Day Twenty Four: Still A Little Gypsied.

Yes, I'm still alive. And thank God for that! The past couple of weeks I've been so busy I totally forgot to blog! But of course, I'm glad I've found a way to be busy and not have a handful of my time revolve around blogging, as much as I love it.

Lately, I've been working of course, YAY!! And two jobs at that! One is of course at Feeny Chrysler-Jeep-Dodge in Elgin and Garage Experts in East Dundee. So far so good, and I can't wait to actually get a full time job. Unfortunately though, I don't think I'll be able to go to school this semester. With two part time jobs that total to 24 hours a week, a car payment and waist-deep in debt, I don't I'm moving out of Maria's house anytime soon. Although of course, that's the plan. But of course I'm also concerned about Maria's family because they're under some family/financial situation and I don't want to be just another mouth to feed. I need ANOTHER job just so I can contribute a decent amount to them. 'Coz I really feel bad.

And of course, there's still my social life. We had our last summer movie night at Maria's house last Thursday. Maria, Danny and I saw The Haunting In Connecticut. I swear this summer was something else. I've seen more horror/scary movies this summer that the last five years combined!

And speaking of summer, where did it go?? I wake up a few days ago and suddenly, school's around the corner? I feel unjustified this summer. Not enough trips, not enough hang outs, not enough parties, not enough Everything! And that includes not even seeing a Glimpse of the Beach, the Lake, or whatever. -gah- We have four months before '09 ends. I haven't even finished my '08 flashback blog (It's still inside my Documents folder). Seems like I was just writing down my New Year's Resolution.. Is this a grown-up thing? Blinking and realizing the year flew by? I hope not. But then again there was also my CPB devotion and job-hunting desperation. Oh, life. It's going by so fast I'm just always struggling to catch up.

And of course on my relationship aspect, everything's going well. There's still the occasional LQs (Lovers' Quarrel.. haha!) but I think we're both handling it a little bit better than usual. How? Don't know. All I know is that the arguments are getting shorter and shorter. It was so funny 'coz last night we had an argument and it went like this: me. him. me. him. raise voice. raise voice. tears. talk. talk. kiss. Literally.

But I gotta rant real quick: WHY THE EFF DID THEY START A ROAD CONSTRUCTION ON THE DAY SCHOOL STARTS? -eff. eff. eff.-

Jaja

Day Nine & Ten: Back To Normal.

Seems that summer is flying by so fast, I'm starting to think that past few months have all been just a dream. Today's Monday and yet I felt like I didn't even experience the weekend.

Yesterday, Sunday, I felt like my whole day was thrown off. I took a nap three times with the feeling like I was jet-lagged. Pssh. Yeah right, from South Elgin to Elgin to East Dundee to McHenry to Elgin?

Last night, a friend's band played in Just For Fun Roller Rink in McHenry (read: Shy Town Kill). And then, afterparty at their house which was ultra-fun. We played this one version of memory/charades game. We won, woo hoo!

And then today, I worked from 8a until 2p. It was fn, I'm getting the hang of it. I even did a few transactions and quick receipts and all that stuff, all by myself. Haha. Hopefully, I didn't mess up.

And now I'm just chilling. I wanna take a nap. Maybe after this blog. Can you tell I kinda don't feel like blogging today? The whole weekend threw me off the loop. And.. I'm playing dress-up dolls online. Haha. (read: my guilty pleasure.)

Anyhoo, my dude made me really, really happy today I teared up a little, and I couldn't wipe the stupid smile off my face for a very long time. I'll tell you tomorrow. Dress-up awaits.

Jaja

Day Eight: With My Feet Up and My Hair Down.

Life is back to normal again. Or maybe I shouldn't say normal, I should say improving. Danny and I are okay again, we're still together, and I thank God for that. Yesterday, we met in the EVC parking lot and talked it out and sorted out all our differences. Conclusion: Maturity. Not that we lacked it or anything, it was more like, we've decided we're both ready to move on the the next phase of our life, and we're doing it together. Because while we've had our shares of childish-fun-and-carelessness-slash-throw-caution-to-the-wind kind of life, we're ready to move now. We're growing up together. And while the whole "growing old together" phrase means getting married and whatnot (fyi, we both have not tackled that part of our lives yet), I told him, "How can we grow old together when we can't even grow up together?" And now, we're working it out.

At first, we were laying down the rules for this whole maturity thing, but in the end, our compromise was that, we just need to see the bigger picture and we'll just learn the ropes together. And now we're both happier than ever, and thankfully enough, happier together.

And the job thing is going along just fine too. I get 20 hours this coming week, and I start the receptionist job next Monday. And I will hear from Fedex next Monday too. I pray and pray and pray that I get the Fedex job because a.) it's full time, meaning there's awesome benefits, and b.) with a solid background and solid pay, it sounds like a solid job. And while I know that's three jobs (with a total of 56 hours a week) on top of school come fall semester, I know I need to do this. I should do this. And I can do this. I can't sleep on Maria's bedroom floor forever. And this is my fresh start. All this I thank the Lord because when I didn't fully listen to my grandparents, I was always told to go to church and pray and never forget to call on God. And I'm just starting over again. I'm slowly finding my way back. And now He's making everything possible for me again. Not that I ever questioned, or doubted. I just forgot. And I'm that person that needed to be reminded.

That is why I am here inside the Gail Borden Library facing the Fox River with my feet up and blogging and reading Twilight. Life is beautiful again, and I have God and my family and friends to thank for.

Jaja

Update: Day Seven.

This just in.

• I asked him to meet me in VPAC today at 11a and he never showed up. I'm hurt, I'm deeply hurt. I there is such a thing as "more broken" then I'm definitely that. I've been trying to reach him but efforts are futile. Did I mention I miss him?
• I went to my Fedex second interview and it was fine. It wasn't outstanding, just fine. Unlike my first interview, which I thought I did well, this one was just fine. But I hope and pray that I get it because it's full-time. Yay!
• It has been raining pretty much since 10am. I figured the weather was joining me in my sadness. Honestly, it felt like I have no more tears to cry. Maybe that's why it rained. But I look outside and it's not raining anymore. Hope, maybe?
• I decided to continue reading Twilight before I went back to Maria's house. Where? Awesomest place ever. I seriously am starting to fall in love with Lords Park here in Elgin. I parked my car and facing the lake and just sat there while I read Twilight. Hey, that made my day bearable, at least.
• Now I'm back here in Maria's house. Patiently waiting.

I need a distraction from that phone. I need to stop calling. I'm broken.

Jaja

Day Seven: Day Off.

Haha! I have not had that kind of day since, I don't know, six months ago I guess. And I am not scheduled today. And better yet, It's payday! Well, granted it's payday every Friday but, oh well. Only I have to double-check if I'm already part of the payroll. Otherwise, I'm stuck until next Friday. Oh, that reminds me, I have to see when I'm scheduled next week.

And then, and then, and then. I have my second interview with Fedex today at 1p! Yay, yay, yay! Please pray for me and wish me luck okay? I'll update later tonight. I guess.

On a more sour note, it's been 38something hours since our spat and I still haven't heard from him. I've been calling and texting and just short of stalking him out, but of course I didn't, because I want to konw if he's okay. My mind's a halohalo of "what's going ons" and what's wrongs" and "are we still okays" and everything else in between. It's a win-lose situation I have going right here. I got a job, a family who has put a roof above my head, and a possible second job. But I might be losing the one most important person in my life. I pray as hard as I can and I wish with all my heart that that's not true. I'd like a winning streak please.

I admit, I have been selfish in some of my ways, and I would like to ask a second chance. I may not deserve it but I would like to prove that I can get over myself and become a more mature person. The one person who has taught me to be mature and kindhearted and unselfish is once again teaching me to be so. I hope that God grants him the patience that has faltered when it came to dealing with me. I feel that the person that I love is slowly slipping through my fingertips and I can barely hold on as he might be trying to let go. My heart breaks with just the thought of it happening so. I believe, and had always believed, that we have grown together as individuals and as a couple. I wish it doesn't stop now. I love him, and it breaks my heart to remember that the last memory I have of him was a stoic face, a cold kiss, and a healfhearted hug. I love him, and always have. I will not stop now. I will not give up now.

Jaja

Day Six: Hope Reigns. <3

It's been more than 24 hours since our spat, and I still haven't heard from him. I'm just waiting, and hoping, and wishing, and hoping. I'm just giving it time, and space, because I know that's what he wants.

But I miss him. Which is funny, if you think about it, because that is why this whole thing started anyway. Because I missed him.

"It doesn't matter who yells. It doesn't matter if you yell, or I yell. I will always say sorry."
-Dr. Derek Shepherd, aka McDreamy, with a bouquet of red roses, on his fight with Meredith. Grey's Anatomy.

I hope this is just a phase. That everything will be okay. I love him. I miss him. I hope he's doing okay.

Jaja




inxs:
Yes, I am doing fine with my new job. I learned a lot in one day with cashiering today with Melva. Awesomeness, definitely. And tomorrow, it's payday! Hopefully, I'm already included in the payroll, haha! And I made a new friend of course. And she even offered that maybe we can be roommates when we can both afford it. Oh, economy. Oh, and I already scheduled my second interview with Fedex for tomorrow at 1pm. Hopefully, everything goes well.

And I just want to point out that I drank a large cup of frozen cappucinio from Dunkin Donuts before i went to work today, at noon, and the lady made it super-duper strong. I am now hungry, dizzy, and pretty much jittery and high from the caffeine. My hands are shaking, and I can barely think straight. Never again!

Jaja

Anticipation.

These are just some stuff I need to unload my brain with. A.K.A., brainfarts.

• Sometimes, you never, ever what to sleep because you are right next to the person that makes you feel alive. The thought of closing your eyes make you not want to fall asleep at all because staring at his eyes is enough.
• Sometimes, you never, ever want to wake up because your dreams are filled with wonderful memories that you two have shared. And that waking up would mean going back to the reality that it's a new day filled with new trials to overcome and new memories to make, that if you stop and think about it, might not be as good as those in your dreams.
• Sometimes, you never, ever want to wake up because him sleeping next to you with his arms around you is the most wonderful feeling in the world. It's the one place you know you will always be the safest. And the one place that you are the happiest: Right beside him.
• Sometimes, you never, ever want to sleep because the day has been so perfect and so right that you don't want your happiness to stop. You want to continue sharing the world as yo see is right: Next to him, holding hands, and looking outward into the world.
• Sometimes, you never, ever want to look away because you know that world is a wonderful place to live in because you look at him and you see the world. that the thought of looking somewhere else is a shame because you have the epitome of life in front of you, and you just want to share it with the world.
• Sometimes, you never, ever want to stop smiling because you are scared of the other side. That the smile you emulate is his love, and that if you stop smiling you might feel all the hurt, and pain, and cruelty that the world has to offer.
• Sometimes, you never, ever want to stop crying because when no words appear, there are tears. And in he understands your tears, regardless of the words exchanged, he will wipe those tears away to mean he understands.
• Sometimes, you never, ever want to walk, to run, to jump, to do anything at all because moving makes you realize the earth moves, and with the moving of the earth means the continuance of life, and where you are is where you want to be for the rest of your life, and his life.
• Sometimes, you never, ever want to left go because the fear of space between you is unbearable. That the mere thought of another human being coming between you and the love that is him is too painful to bear, too confusing to understand, and to surreal to realize. That the phrase "I must have done something right.." was made just for you and him.
• Sometimes, you never, ever want to blink because the fear that this may all just be a dream is unthinkable. That how you see the world now, next to him may be different from what it really is. That how you see the world now while you're standing next to him is as close to perfection as you can achieve. And that there's no such thing as reality or imagination. Only the reality that you share together.

Jaja

This Just In.

I got a callback for a second interview, yay! Yesterday, in the midst of fighting and tears and whatnot, some random number called and left a message. And when I retrieved my voicemail a couple of hours later, it was someone from Fedex calling to let me know that I should call back to schedule a second interview with Fedex! Yay, yay, yay!! I can't wait. I'll let you guys know what happens tomorrow night or something.

Jaja

Day Five: Love Reigns (I Hope).

This is my Big Bang Theory: If it's something small, it is still bound to explode. And if it hasn't exploded yet, it will.

What started off as an okay day ended up being a really terrible day. Like, really terrible day.

I woke up really really early to get ready for work. Maria dropped me off so that she and Danny can pick me up and listen to my pages at work. I don't know, maybe because I'm cranky because I haven't eaten breakfast or lunch. Maybe, it was hot. Or maybe, just 'coz. But I knew that they worked out today and hung out at the park and then I guess they ate too before picking me up, but after getting gas and then finally getting back to Maria's house, I was like "Let's go to White Pearl! I'm hungry." This was without him asking, "Hey, did you eat yet? Coz I already ate but maybe you're still hungry," that sort of thing. But no. No quips or concerns as to how I am, or whatever. So when I asked if we can go to White Pearl, he's all like "I already ate." And I go, "Well, I haven't. But you can still come with me. We can just chill." And he goes, "What am I gonna do? Just watch you eat?" And to which I answer, "It's the companionship."

But whatever. Apparently, I was begging him to come with me that he finally gave in but only after twisting his arm for forever. I even texted him "Lunch?" in that same way that Marilou texted him yesterday. [side note: aside from how to get in to Americare, I really don't think they have any business communicating with each other. Really.]

So off we went, but we were arguing. Argued through the drive to get food. Argued through me eating Wendy's (I guess White Pearl's too expensive.). Argues through the drive to school. Argued through the parking lot when I wanted to "fix it". AND argued through the drive back to Maria's house.

As a result, so close to breaking up. AGAINagainAGAINagain. Only this time it kinda supersucks. Why?

Me: Are we broken up?
Him: What do you think?
Me: Well, I'd like to think not.
Him: Okay then.
Me: So we're still together? Say it.
Him: We're still together.
Me: Do you still want me?
Him: We're still together.

[insert the sound of a heart breaking right here.]

Day Four: Newbie.

Today was my first day at work! "Thank you for calling Feeny Chrysler-Jeep-Dodge. How may I direct your call?" Yep, that was me! I have to admit it was kinda weird being back on the workforce, but I know I'll have to get used to it. It was kind of scary and overwhelming at first because I have to use the overhead and page people, meaning I have to be able to speak loud and clear so that people can hear me on both lots.

And I came home and there was awesome food! It was tostadas with refried beans, meat, salsa, sour cream, lettuce, and cheese. Oh, and I had it with soy meat too! Plus, I ate two so I'm stuffed like hizzle for the rest of the day. But now Maria's in the kitchen making them again and now I'm tempted to eat again, but with real meat this time.

I took a picture too! Coming up soon!

Jaja

Extreme.

Oh, money. The things that go in people's heads when money's involved. Or when it's not.

I don't want to be a hypocrite, but sometimes money does make life easier, if not happier, for the most part.. or for a short part. I have these weird tendencies that go on and on in my head when money's involved.

• I stay away from any form or sort of shopping (i.e., online, window, etc.) when I have no money at all. Or even if I did, I couldn't afford to leave a store without buying anything.
• And yet, when there is money that I can spend, my mind is a jumble of all material items of sorts (clothes, gadgets, food, trips, supplies, etc.)
• When I receive my bills, I hold off opening it for as long as I can, maybe in the hopes that all those numbers will disappear. Sad thought: That sounded like what Rebecca Brandon nee Bloomwood would say (which is short of saying that yes, I have some form of shopping addiction.)

But anyway, that is not entirely the point of my story. My point is that, after learning a couple of hours ago that I have a job, I have just made a mental action of pulling out my shopping wish list and the stuff I would want (not need, as I am not that delirious about spending, aka blowing off, my income..) to purchase. May it be long- or short-term goals.

Here's my shopping cart wishlist:

• Converse Chuck Taylors in: black, red, white, green, light blue.
• Laptop fan.
• iTrip.
• Scrubs Season 2.
• Grey's Anatomy Season 3.
• Puma trainers in: black.
• Adidas sneakers in: white.
• Sims 3.

to be cont.

Jaja

Day Three: One More Chance.

I have a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. For those of you who have been anticipating my return in the job industry for the last 6 months, I finally landed a job!

Special thanks to Karrrla who recommended me to her employer. I now have a source of income and no more will I be a burden to the people around me! Well, it's a part time job, but still.

Well, actually let me pull my excitement backa little.

My first special thanks goes to Nikki for recommending me a receptionist job at her dad's construction/cement factory company. But that job doesn't really start until the 17th. But I'm still really grateful.

My second special thanks goes to Karrrla, because of well, I already mentioned it above.

And my third special thanks are for the people closest to me who support me and back me up and help me in my times of need: my boyfriend Danny, my friend Maria, my mom, my uncle, grandparents, and my sister Punky. You guys rock!

Now to set my alarm and plan what to wear. Wish me luck guys!

Jaja

EE.

Everyone Else.

So I just saw the movie The Knowing, by Nicholas Cage and this one lady from 28 Weeks Later. Anyway, I thought the movie started out good. Conspiracy and all that. I guess I overlooked the Sci-Fi part of the movie. So I was pretty much "Wait, what?" in the end.

The movie started off with a class drawing pictures to be placed in a time capsule and to be opened 50 years later. Anyhoo, I guess the main person was this little girl named Lucinda something or the other. She started writing a bunch of numbers on her piece of paper. 50 years later, the school had a ceremony to open the time capsule. Lucinda's envelope ended up with Caleb, Nicholas Cage's character's son. And then the story takes off from there.

The numbers were apparently Lucinda's predictions from the past fifty years. The numbers were the dates casualty numbers and locations. For example: 05147772141723445 would be 05/14/77 with casualties of 771 and location of 41.72 lat and 34.45 long.

And it somehow ended up in Cage's hands and he started figuring out and stuff.

Long story short, the last numbers of the paper were 101909EE########. (I forgot the numbers last.) Read: 10/19/09 casualties of Everyone Else [who have not been killed in the past 50 years] and go to the location of ##.## lat and ##.## long. The disaster? Sun flares were going to reach the Earth at such a high speed/temperature whatever that no one can be saved. I mean, how can you prevent that in less than 24 hours?

In the end, Caleb and this other girl were "saved" from the impending extinction by.. dun dun dun.. ALIENS! These blond guys in trench coats that have been appearing out of thin air were actually aliens coming to save those "who heard the call."

Scenario: New planet, yellow antler-like grass covering a huge meadow with alien spaceships dropping off the pairs of children carrying pairs of animals in the middle of the meadow. Result? New World.

Bye, technology.

Jaja

Home Depot Product Placement.

a.k.a. The Collector.

I just got home from watching The Collector with Andrea, Jarrod, Danny, and Dany. It was an option between The Orphan or The Collector. -ugh- It was like the goriest movie I've seen in forever! Granted that I've only seen one Saw movie.

And here are some thoughts I'd like to ponder about.

• Who was the guy inside the box?
• Why was Arkin's wife (girlfriend?) borrowing money from loan sharks and expecting Arkin to pay it off?
• Where was the little girl hiding all that time?
• How did the Collector booby-trap that house that fast?
• Why didn't Arkin see all those booby traps?
• Why does the Collector collect people and what does he do with them?
• Why didn't the mom and dad even wonder what Arkin, their handyman, was doing inside their house late at night when the family's supposed to be on vacation?
• Did Home Depot sponsor this movie?

Sorry for some disclaimers but yeah. I need to absorb what I just saw. Oh, and the movie was from the makers of the last few Saw movies.

Oh, and Collector = 1. Arkin = 0.

Jaja

Day Two: Food Adventure.

Since I'm going to be living here at Maria's house for some time, I know I'm going to be experiencing some of her mom's great cooking. Yes, she's an awesome cook -just as Maria- and she also makes these most amazing cakes and desserts. .:yum:. I guess that means actually enlisting my boyfriend to actually, really work out with me. Because if not, at the end of my stay here, I'll be little miss fatty mcfatfat.

Anyhoo, this morning, I ate this scrambled egg thing with tortillas actually scrambled with it. The tortillas were chopped up and cooked together with the eggs, and then squirt a quarter slice of lime in it. For breakfast! Yummy.

And then for lunch, I had posole, which is almost quite similar to the Filipinos' version of sinigang. Only difference is that, you cook the vegetables with sinigang. Since Maria's sister is vegetarian, they mom made two versions of posole, the one with meat in in, and the other one with mushrooms. The food had skin with fat or whatever you call it and some white round things that remind me of corn but bigger than corn.. I don't know what it's called.

Anyway, I grabbed a bowl and mixed up the vegetarian and meatitarian (?) version because I love mushrooms, and then I added some shredded lettuce (cabbage? I can never tell..), fresh slices of onions, chopped oregano leaves, powdered red pepper, and avocado slices. And I added a couple of tostadas and refried beans as a side. Yummy, yummy, yummy. I should've taken photos. Hmm. I'll do it next time for sure.

Oh, and I forgot to add. You squeeze lime into it, too. :D

Jaja

A New Leaf.

Surprise, surprise!

After actually not going to a catholic church for many, many, MANY months, I decided last night that I am going to church today. And I actually did! I mean, granted I was supposed to go the the 9am one, but I overslept and ended up hearing the 12noon mass, I still went. Without anyone telling me to do so, or twisting my arm, or the promise of free food or whatnot. I don't know, I just felt like I really need this now. I need to fill this void in my life, before I totally forget.

So after searching for a decent catholic church with good parking, hours that I actually know, and an English service, I went with St. Thomas Moore in Elgin. I guess a lot of Filipinos go there to hear mass, and I thought it was cool that it was a Filipino priest too. Anyhoo, I've known about this church for some time but I never really went. But a few weeks ago, my friend's second kid was baptized in that church and my boyfriend was godfather so we were invited to go. I liked the place, and the parking space, etc. So today I finally went.

It was kinda weird and awkward at first because I have already gotten used to my boyfriend's church's informal way of conducting service that I kinda felt detached to the catholic church's formal, structured ways. But nevertheless, I stayed and paid attention and shared "Peace be with you"s to everyone around me. If I just keep this up, I'm pretty sure I'll get back to the hang of it.

Maybe I'll even volunteer my time. =D

Jaja

Day Two: Learning The Ropes.

So this is how it is to be living under someone else's roof. Yesterday, after I came home from the library, I went back to Maria's house to chill for a little bit before going to Diana's house for our weekly chillage. So I had to go through the front door and ask Maria's sister to buzz me in. And then, we just hung out and talked and watched Gilmore Girls with my boyfriend before I go and pick up Maria from her work.

And then when it was time for me and my boyfriend to leave to go to Diana's place, Maria's sister gave me her set of keys because she'll be going to a party with Maria tonight also.

And even though I have my own keys and can let myself in when I go home later that night, I still told Maria to let me know when they're coming home from their party so that we'll all go in together. I just thought it'd be too weird to be there before them and then see that their parents are already home. Awkward.

And then my boyfriend and I left the party a little later than Maria did at hers that I just asked her to go inside and let me in because I'll get home a few minutes after she will. When I got there, I saw that Maria already set my beddings on the floor, which I thought was a really, really nice gesture but I also kinda felt bad because I'm not really their guest. In fact, they're just doing me a favor.

Anyhoo, this morning when I woke up, I felt bad -again- because even though I planned on waking up at 7am to get ready to go to church by 9, I must have snoozed because I woke up at 938am! And not only that, everybody was already awake too! Even Maria's sister already left to go to her daily Herbalife meeting at 8am, or somewhere around that time.

Then I went to get ready because I can still catch up to the noon mass, which was also the last mass of the day. Only it took me more than an hour to take a shower, get dressed, blowdry and iron my hair, and everything else in between. .:gah:.

When I went to the kitchen to mingle a little bit, as soon as I sat down on the dining room chair, Maria offered me some breakfast! I feel really bad because I'm not a guest at the house really. And they're being really, really nice to me.

After I ate the food, and washed some of the dishes, I put my laptop away and then said goodbye so that I can go to church and then head on the library for the rest of the day.

Now I'm in the library, doing my usual online stuff. Plus I decided to watch the Gilmore Girls season 2 DVD here instead of back at Maria' house because I don't want to be just laying there watching movies and stuff and ignore her sister. That's why I'm here.

And since it's a weekend, I'm most likely going to have plans. And hopefully that will include Maria. I mean, she still has her own group of friends and I have mine. And I just think it'd be really awkward if I go out everyday with my group of friends while she doesn't have any plans. That means we both need to make plans together so we can both be out of the house doing the same thing instead of separately.

I hope I adjust with this situation soon enough so I don't have to keep feeling awkward towards their family and stuff. Hopefully, everything gets better soon enough.

Jaja

Day One: Virgin Gypsy.

As of 11am this morning, I am officially homeless. I gave up my apartment and put the last of my stuff in storage with the help of my boyfriend. And as of 230pm, this homeless 24-year old Filipina has no home, no job, no money -but blogging inside the Gail Borden Library.

If you are my friend and you're reading this, don't worry. It's not as bad as it sounds. My friend Maria offered for me to stay in her apartment with her sister and parents. And I am giving myself 30 days to move back out. Hopefully, with a decent paying job, and a decent living condition I can call "my place". And that includes everything in between: my bills, my legal problems, and my education.

If not for these people (my mom, my sister, my uncle and grandparents, my boyfriend, and my friend Maria) I wouldn't know where I'd be right now. Their patience and understanding and love for me keeps me going. At around 2am, I broke into tears, one of my handful of breakdowns. I cried myself to sleep because it broke my heart that I am at the lowest point of my life right now. I cried myself to sleep while my boyfriend's arms are wrapped around me comforting me and protecting me with the best that he can. "I want to sleep and never open my eyes again," was the only thought that ran through my mind before I fell asleep. But today, before my boyfriend said bye to go to his karate class, he told me, "Everything will be okay. Just trust and have faith in God. And don't forget to pray." It filled my with hope, and the longing that in a few weeks, it will all get better.

So now, here I am, the virgin gypsy, and I don't know what to do. But people that I know that care about me are surrounding me and right now, that's all I need.

We'll see what tomorrow brings me.

Jaja