Ex-Social Butterfly

    I miss being surrounded by a lot of people. I miss being around a huge group of friends. I miss house parties, clubbing, crazy nights, drunken nights. I miss going out on a random night with a group of people. I miss meeting new people and making new friends. I miss planned and random adventures. I miss how everyone is just a phone call away. I miss hanging out with different cliques and groups of people doing different things on different days. I miss having to budget my time so I can hang out with ALL my friends. I miss being able to go places and finding people to go with me. I miss walking into a party and knowing everyone, and everyone knowing me. I miss being life of a party. I miss being a social butterfly.

Bah Humbug.

      Due to the not-to-recent series of unfortunate events, I've come to dread and hate holidays. It's hard to stay be positive, but I guess I did put myself in that situation.

    So the holidays can just suck it. Starting with the stupid Sweetest Day (made up holiday, bah humbug.), weirdly enough ends with Valentine's Day.

    Until then, sayonara bish.

Whoa.

    So I was reading The Last Olympian and I dozed off (I woke up waaay too early.) And out of nowhere floods of memories from before October 29, 2009 flashed before me that I woke up with a jolt and just started crying and crying and crying and crying. I was so taken aback that I'm shocked where that came from. Prior to reading the book, prior to dozing off, prior to today, anything. Nothing triggered that experience. Well, granted I've had a couple of dreams that make me really irritated when I woke up.. there was really nothing. Nothing in my head, nothing. Not even when he came over and had drinks at the apartment. Not even when we chatted the last time. UGH. NOTHING.
    It was so strong, so surreal, so.. I can't explain it. Three years worth of happy memories came flooding back to me and I'm reduced to having the feelings I had after That Day that I don't know what to do. It's so weird, and I'm hating this. Suddenly, I remember every feeling, every word, every sensation I felt the last few days, weeks, that I was with him. Prior to That Day, I remember everything like it happened yesterday.
    What's going on? Because I don't need this. I want my good days back. I've been wishing for my good days back. But not in this way. My broken heart stirs at the bottom of my stomach. Again.