Pinteresting.

I have a lot of things to blog about but as always, the world wide web is taking over my life. Specifically, Pinterest. Now I have a whole bunch of DIY projects lined up and I just need to go to the thrift store and craft store for it. It's going to be fun, fun, fun!

Hi, Matt.

So.. I had a dream about you last night. It was so weird because it was random. In my dream your ghost was following me around. There were two other ghosts there with you but I'm just not gonna say who they are okay? Anyway, you three were following me around. I was feeling guilty all day because I kept saying death comes in threes, and when you passed away, another common friend passed away, then another. So I was being too hard on myself, that I shouldn't have opened my mouth. I was depressed. And the whole time you were just following me, with the two others right behind you. You were giving me crap for being depressed. That I shouldn't worry about it. My dream was really long, but as always, I barely remember it. That is why I'm trying to blog as much nonsense as I can get out of it. In my head, if I close my eyes, I can see what you look like. But not enough to write it on here. I remember that when no one is looking at me in my dream, I'd come and give you tight hugs. Even more weird, I was ABLE to give you hugs like you were just there with me. I know you're trying to tell me something. But what is it?

....and then of course I woke up.

I went to your FB page after I woke up and your mom posted a video of you, Jaimie and Noah, jamming together. I only saw your face the beginning of the video and I started crying.

You're probably wondering why I'm writing my sentiments on here and not on FB. You probably already know, that's why you visited me in my sleep last night. I'd miss you all the time, Matt. I'd miss when we used to hang out all the time at my mom's house, or your mom's apartment's pool. Remember my mom's birthday when we just took over? Or when we all went to the Art Museum on a random day?  Or you, me and Krackel grabbing a handful of those Soy Amada pins at the Jewelry store? You and Danny sitting in on my Spanish class instead of waiting for me outside so we can all eat at Wendy's afterwards? And then you'd be giving me all the answers so that I can show off in that class. Haha, Senor Martinez probably thought I was super awesome in Spanish class 'coz of you. Tengo una pregunta para ti. Haha. Or we skipped class to go swimming at your pool and we brought margherita pizza from Target for everyone. Playing Pool Nazi with Danny, Jason, Steve and me and Krackel just sat on the side coz you guys played for HOURS and it got old for us within the first 30 minutes. Haha. I miss you sooooo much Matt. Not only because you are gone. But I missed being your friend even before what happened. I missed hanging out with you. I missed you being my life coach. When Danny called me to tell me what happened, one of his first words were "I know you think that Matt's a really cool person and that I know you missed having him around, but I wanted to tell you that.."

So yeah, why am I putting my dream here on my blog? Because my blog is the "I Don't Give A Fuck" part of me. When I go on your FB page, all these people that tell you they miss you, and share stories and music about you, that say you visited them last night, I feel that they deserved to be part of your life and they deserved to put all these amazing stories and thoughts about you on your wall. I feel pretty insignificant, because I know that it was majority my fault why we drifted apart. You and Danny had a silly falling out and I was stupid enough to take sides. And now my guilt is eating me up inside. I feel that I don't deserve to tell the world what an amazing person you were when we were hanging out because I chose to drift away from you. Now I don't have a boyfriend and I don't have a friend. I'm soooo sorry, Matt. I'm really really really sorry.

Just A Quickie

It's half past three and I have a lot of things to blog about, but a.) I'm sleepy, b.) I need to gather my thoughts, and c.) my pinkie hurts like hell and proves to be very useless at typing right now.

I shall continue on in the morning. But I leave you with one thought.. tF is driving me insane, I don't know what to do about it.