babble.

• i was cut off from the world since the day before christmas. fyi: pay your internet bills on time.
• i've had a fairly good christmas this year, family-wise that is.
• i received my christmas gift a a month and a half early, my laptop. so there was no excitement of ripping open wrappers and boxes. except for danny's gifts.
• i received a photo editing software from danny. i'm such a dork.
• ..and he gave me a brand new "oscillating" stand fan.. haha! apparently, the one i have been using is too loud, and too dusty. granted, he's the only one who's complaining. =D
• i went sledding with my sisters and danny on christmas night. fun!
• my portable hard drive which stores my personal files and music and beloved photos broke down and now it would cost me $512 and 2-5 weeks to have it repaired. that's if i come up with the funds soon. but not too soon.
• i'm starting to hate the sales part of my job. i'm having a hard time reaching my quota. the teller part, it's fun.
• i need to do chores, tons of them. but the cold weather makes me want to just cuddle under the blanket.
• scratch that.. what weather? rain in december?? last saturday was crazy spring feeling.
• i saw seven pounds at elgin fox with danny, monkey, bryn, and janelle. awesome movie. plus, it's will smith, come on.
• went to brunswicke for a quick arcarde fix and had a nightcap at bryn's house with our traditional weiners and buns.. and apples to apples!!
• saw the curious case of benjamin button at charlestowne mall on sunday. saw steve jansen and her sister so we sat with them. hmm.. i always see people unexpectedly in charlestowne on a sunday. *shrugs*
• did i mention my hard drive is broken?~!?~?!?
• i went to business accounts training today at schiller park. i missed my teller training classmates!! boo hoo. i still didn't get their numbers though.
• last night, after the movie and whatnot, danny and i just drove aimlessly. we each took a turn on saying left or right. otherwise, he'll just drive straight ahead. it was fun. we were just driving, and talking about life, past midnight-ish. hehe. st charles, carol stream, bartlett, streamwood, hanover park, schaumburg, hoffman estates.
• ..and the whole day was from spring hill mall to charlestowne mall to stratford mall to woodfield mall. haha.
• and we were watching good luck chuck on dvd. oh dane cook. haha.
• ooh and i saw sex and the city the movie. my favorite line? "it took 4 friends 3 days to pack 20 years in 38 boxes." i kinda miss having girlfriends. but that's a whole different blog.
• i'm kinda sad that my wisconsin dells plan with friends fell apart. more like they didn't feel like going anywhere.. *sniff* and i am SO dying to get away for a long weekend.. *sigh* great wolf lodge. and i already took the weekend off too. bleh.
• i still wanna get away!!

jaja

good morning world.

*sigh*

i usually have my alarm set at 630a, 7a, and 730a. but since it's been winter break and all and unless i need to wake up early for work, i really don't open my eyes until past 830a (and that's me considering it "late"). and the last time i woke up early was just this past sunday because i had to be at work by 730a.

but.

my manager decided to have a branch meeting TODAY at 630a for those who has not been reaching their account goals. (i need 5 more. wanna help out a friend and open a bank account?? =D) and i had to wake up at 530a at that. grr. and it was only me and three other people. others didn't even show up. hah! no fair. and then it only lasted for 30mins!! after the meeting, our manager decided to buy us breakfast at mcdonald's and now i'm home. (747a). now i'm all up and awake like a sunshiney person, thanks to my hot chocolate, and i have nothing to do until 3 or 4p, when i have to go to work. plus be able to bring in 2 accounts at the end of the day.

now.. what to do?
from the most mundane things to the.. whatever. i can't think.

clean my room
take a shower
blog (some more)
go online
finish wrapping presents
upload more songs in my itunes
upload songs to my ipod
upload photos
fold clean clothes
watch some more psych
read a book
find my name tag for work
finish wrapping presents
finish MAKING presents
clean out my car
..and wait til i feel sleepy again.

aaahhhhhhhh.

jaja

the world is freezing over

i stand corrected, but so far, this day has been the coldest winter i've experienced so far. (-10 degrees!!??) or was i just not paying any attention? but anyhoo, it was such an adventure from last night til today on just tolerating this crappy weather. ahh.

last night, my family and danny and i went to a hampton inn in skokie for a christmas party of a family friend. i was wearing a lovely dress, thanks to mother dear, and danny was looking spiffy as well. haha who says spiffy nowadays? and it was hardcore snowing and cold and slippery and danny and i convoyed with my family. and i may not have told him enough but i love him for driving in that bad weather last night, oh my god! his patience and is braveness(??is there such a word??) was just so awesome, especially considering the weather and how we both don't want to drive down 90 and he hates to convoy. pretty schweet!

and then i was all dolled up and actually wearing my snow boots coz it was cold. haha! and then when we got there, we got out of the car and me in my slinky knee high dress and boots, i was freezing up to my.. knees. haha. but yeah. and it was fun. danny won $15 for pole dancing on a bamboo stick!! so pinoy.

and after the party, we left the hotel with snow and wind literally whipping our faces. gah. it was terrible. and i was just so tired that danny let me fall asleep. even though i didn't want to. coz i have this thing where if he and i were driving somewhere, regardlessof how late or early it is, we both stay awake and navigate for each other, or even just stay awake and keep each other company. but he said it was totally fine for me to sleep coz i have work at 730am the next day. so that was pretty cool. (side note: small things like these really makes me love him more.. <3)

and then, i just slept over at his house and since i had to wake up really early to get my car from the church and warm it up and then drive to work, my wake up time was 6am. (hehe, but i woke up at 620a anyway..) and he woke up WITH me and drove me to my car and waited with me while i warmed up my car. he woke up at 630 for me!! it's hard enough for him to wake up when i try to wake him up at 1030. *googly eyes* haha.

and then of course i went to work from 730 til 3pm and it was cold at the branch!! sucks that the branch is right by the door and i was freezing. and i went home and ate a little bit and read a book and watched tv and went online and fell asleep and didn't wake up til 7pm. and even though i wanted to do something. it was just such a pain to bundle up and and drive somewhere when the wind is blowing all that snow away and the roads look like a scene from The Mist. ahh.

and now my manager wants me to go to a sales branch meeting tomorrow at 630 in the MORNING!! is she crazy?????? this sucks big time. good luck to me on waking up at 530a. sucks major balls man.

jaja

[insert tantrum here]

i don't feel like going to work today. i'm snowed in, and i have to drive to the bank and work?? if they are too snowed in to do transaction at the branch, why should i even go? waaaaaahhhhh!!

i'll end up drifting and fishtailing all over the place, with my knuckles all white from grabbing on to the wheel for dear life, and holding my breath the whole entire 30minute-ish (usually just ten) ride.

crap.

i already got invited to go ice skating. and snowballfighting. and i have to work.

today.
tomorrow.
on sunday.
and monday.
and tuesday.

ah crap.

busybee

*phew*

i have been in and out, up and down, here and there, and pretty much all over the place. i may be busy, but i don't think i'm stressed. except for that one time i showed up in school. here are the highlights of my past week.

wednesday.
i went to school with danny to grab my remaining stuff from the cpb office. and as we were trying to avoid a particular person, hard as we did, she still ended up catching me off guard. gah. now i would be forced to talk to her when i really didn't want to. or plan to. or whatever. and it just basically erupted into a confrontation (no, not the yelling kind) and bringing up of issues that i have long gone over with. and let's just say that's one less person to give or receive a christmas present from this holiday season. and it's funny because prior to that day that she intercepted me, i have been having stress-free days, mainly because i've been staying away from school.. and student life. i thought student life was a sanctuary, where i can be at my best. but after stepping away from the scene, i realized it was like a drug that was eating me up and i didn't even know it. i was drama-free and stress-free since i stopped showing up in student life and practically dwelling in it. and leave it to student life to hit me with drama the moment i walk through those doors. *sigh* it will never stop. the one time i showed up. der-RAH-ma!!

thursday.
i went to work as usual. and on my way to my car, i got a text message and a voicemail from boyfriend saying he wants me to go straight to steve and barry's and grab him a captain america shirt. but i have to be there before 7pm. so i was like, hoo-kay. and then when i got to the mall, i zeroed in on the area where they sell those cartoon hero shirts. and while i was looking around a low voice spoke from behind me asking me if i'm finding what i'm looking for. i turn around and i see boyfriend!! danny, oh danny. he surprised me, duh. i thought he'd be at work (it was 645pm) but i guess he took the day off. and he came to see me!! awwwwwww..

friday:
work, as usual. but instead of 12-5, i was asked to work from 7 am. and i was there until 4 fricking 30pm!! 9 and a half hours of standing up and stuff. gah. and then after work, i met up with danny coz it was, aherm, the 12th of course.. tee hee.. ^-^ and then he was not working that day too. so we went to stratford mall to just hang out and chill and do some christmas shopping. and then we decided to see "the day the earth stood still" which i think is the crappiest and stupidest movie i've seen in a long time. i can't believe i paid 8.50 for a ticket (student discounted) and a 3.50 bag of m&ms for that. and then we went to go on one of our mini-vacations *wink wink*. and all i can say is life is good. i don't want to go to any more detail about our 23rd month together.. hehe.. but all i know is life is good and i love him =D

saturday:
went to work. and then met up with danny to go to diana's graduation celebration at her house in elgin. we met up with old friends, which was a nice change of pace from the younger crowd. it was nice catching up with them and stuff. felt very grown-up..............ish. haha. and the funnest part was that on our way there, danny and i were just singing the 12 days of christmas at the top of our lungs. hehe. and then danny slept over at my house.

sunday:
and then while danny went to church and do his thang.. i was at home doing chores and whatnot. and then in the afternoon, we went to bryn's house to hang out and watch scrubs and catch up and stuff. it was fun. but the going home part sucked coz it was cold as hell!! uhm, that didn't make sense. cold as.. ice. lame. but anyway, yeah. and then danny slept over again. so funny, every morning, our dog shadow goes up to danny and bothers him.

monday:
and waking up to everyone going to school and work and such.. danny was bothered by shadow again. and then after some time, he left to go training with his client and i took sammie to school and went to work.




and now i'm here.
and i wanna watch scrubs.

ta ta!

jaja

undecided

i came here in the united states on the 12th of november 2004. meaning, i have gone through five winters already. and yet i am still undecided about my opinion towards winter. and snow.

i mean, i realized i was a winter dresser the moment i started gaining weight. haha. i love the feeling of walking on snow. making snow angels. making snowmen (i've only completed one ever). i've always wanted to learn how to snowboard (granted my lack of balance whether it's bike, rollerblades, skateboards, etc.). and i think ice skating is romantic.. a la serendipity *sigh* *bats eyelashes*.

but there's the perils of driving through a snowstormy weather. black ice *shudders*. and the lack of inspiration and motivation to dress up for a night out with friends. oh, and having your windows, doors, and keyholes frozen shut for the most part.

but snow IS beautiful. the way that it gracefully falls from the sky and delicately lands on the ground. the way that it falls in such a way that it makes me feel like life is happening in slow motion, and there's no need to rush. the way that everyone's faces light up when they see a pristine area of untouched snow and they are just giddy to jump on it. the way it makes everything and everyone look innocent, peaceful, even romantic. they way you just want to rush home knowing that there is warm soup, and a warm body waiting for you. the way that snow moves at it descends towards you as if dancing in silent rhythm. it is beautiful.

jaja

i'm lost. and this is my cry for help.

i don't know what's happening to me. why am i pushing family away. i haven't seen OR talked to my dad in almost four years. i feel vulnerable and i have my wall up. i feel empty and lost when it comes to family and i know that only i have the power to fix things. but i can't. it's probably my pride talking. i want a family. but i'm not letting me. i know that i'm not supposed to say that i don't have a family. coz i do. physically i do. talks about family and relatives, cousins, grandparents, father's day, mother's day. pictures. stories. adventures and misadventures. everytime i experience it, it crushes my heart. i want to have a family. i want my family back. but i can't. i may have done stuff that pushed them away. i may have given up on them because i thought they've given up on me. everyone is excited for the holidays but i'm dreading it. no one understands what i'm going through. i'm suffering but i can't make it obvious. i'm not a rock. i don't have a heart of stone. every mean things i've said and every judgement i've passed serves as a nail digging in my heart and it's there to stay. i want to be free from this suffering. i'm tired of crying. and carrying this burden. i'm screaming in silence. i wanna be heard but no one's listening. no one understands where i'm coming from. sure, other peopl have it worse. but for me, this is the MY worse. i just wanna be loved and not judged for my past. or present. or future. i just wanna be accepted. blood, last name. does it really matter if that is family. i want to love a family and be loved by a family. i want mine back. but it's too late. i can't take it back. i can't breathe, my heart is too full of hate and judgement and resentment. yet i'm empty. i just wanna be loved for who i am and regardless of what i've become. i am a devicais and yet i am no one. i can't do this anymore. i wanna say sorry but i can't. i feel like it's too late. i don't know where i'm going anymore. i know but i don't know. i lost my family in exchange for what? i'm sorry.. i'm so sorry.

thanksgiving reflections..

as what has been for the past 3 years, this thanksgiving celebration at my house was not all that. nothing too fancy, quiet, a little unplanned. my mom was on call, and my stepdad and little sister julia were in california. basically, we made the most of what we had.

but i came to thinking on my drive back home from dropping danny off at his house that maybe it's not about what you have in front of you or who you're with for thanksgiving.. but who and what you're REALLY thankful for.

and here are some of the things that i'm truly thankful for from the past year..

1. i'm thankful for being able to celebrate one year of crazyness with my dude.
2. i'm thankful that he's still with me despite my crazyness.
3. i'm thankful for the stuffed toys and flowers and free food and entertainment he's given me.
4. i'm thankful that i got to spend new year's eve celebration with a bunch of cool people.
5. i'm thankful that i got to see the blue man group for the first time. and i'm thankful i became friends with the person that came with me.
   
6. i'm thankful for valentine's day. just because.
7. i'm thankful that after almost three years, i came to my senses and finally quit my crappy job at sherman.
8. i'm thankful for all the better and bigger things that came my way after sherman.
9. i'm thankful that amybeth liked me enough to hire me as orientation leader.
   
10. i'm thankful that my birthday and springbreak came and went just fine and i got to spend both with friends.
11. i'm thankful that i went museum-hopping on my birthday and people were actually paying to go to these museums (and chinatown!) with me.
12. i'm thankful that i got to spend my birthdya with my friends.
13. i'm thankful for the fact that my family drove to california and back and they were safe and they had fun.
14. i'm thankful that everytime the twelfth of the month rolls by, he always choose to spend it with me. and he still hasn't changed his mind.
15. i'm thankful for the asian filipino club rocking the spring semester.
16. i'm thankful for the 3rd annual asian filipino club talent show. it rocked. and it was the best talent show the club's ever had and i'm thankful for everyone that helped plan it, that participated, and that came and supported us.
17. i'm thankful that i passed the spring semester.
18. i'm thankful that the asian filipino club won two major awards at the leadership banquet: most creative marketing/strategy plan AND -->> most distinguished club award. i'm REALLY proud of my club.
19. i'm thankful for all of the aflip members (old and new) and supporters and believers. and critics too.
20. i'm thankful for the established leaders class that i took spring semester. it helped me grow as a person and as a leader. and now i know more about myself.
21. i'm thankful that danny and i got over a really HUGE fight about a certain someone and about a certain note-passing situation. i'm thankful that we're still together *phew*.
22. i'm thankful that summer came and went and i made the most of having the best time.
23. i'm thankful that i passed my summer classes: business law & ethics.
24. i'm thankful for all my experiences with orientation.
25. i'm thankful for all those times i hung out with danny, my sisters, and my friends.
26. i'm thankful for all the times i went camping in woodhaven with family and friends.
27. i'm thankful for the fireworks that i saw for the fourth of july celebration.
28. i'm thankful for the second time i got to go to the taste of chicago. and to navy pier afterwards.
29. i'm thankful that we resolved our fight that day in order to watch the fireworks together. with hugs and kisses.
30. i'm thankful for all the after-orientation chillages at bdubs.
31. i'm thankful for all the movies i saw. =D
32. i'm thankful for all the books i read. =D
33. i'm thankful that i was able to register for the fall semester.
34. i'm thankful for the chance to go back to school.
35. i'm thankful for summer.
36. i'm thankful for fall.
37. i'm thankful that danny's pinkie got better after his surgery and therapy. (mechanical bull incident..)
38. i'm thankful that i have learned to detached myself from the asian filipino club. love it to death. but i know we both need to grow.
39. i'm thankful for all the times that he and i wore our matching noodles and company tshirt (22times).. it's a twelfth of the month thing.
40. i'm thankful that my air force sister punky came home from dubai safe and sound.
41. i'm thankful for all the drama. hey, it helped me learn.
42. i'm thankful that i found it in my heart to forgive and learn to deal with my drama. (you know who you are. *wink* and i'm thankful THAT episode's over.)
43. i'm thankful that i wrote what i wrote on facebook. and FINALLY got heard. even if it meant another bigh blow up.
44. i'm thankful that that blow up got under control, at the very least, and we're still together.
45. i'm thankful he finally said he loved me.
46. i'm thankful to realize that he doesn't have to say he loves me to show me.
47. i'm thankful that he takes care of me. all the frickin time. XD
48. i'm thankul that my sister punky got to visit us here in illinois and we got to hang out and go shopping and fight some more and go camping.
49. i'm thankful for that time i went camping with danny and jason and gaea and we stayed out in the tent through a storm. hehe.
50. i'm thankful for realy for life and once again proved that the asian filipino club is the OSANGest club ever. thanks to me and danny. hehe. that's our baby club.
51. i'm thankful that the aflipz won best tent that night. XD
52. i'm thankful that my sister and i haven't given up on each other.
53. i'm thankful that my sister's boyfriend treats her well.
54. i'm thankful i got to drive again after my car being broken and sold for junk.
55. i'm thankful i got a good job again after four something months.
56. i'm thankful they let me go. now i have bigger and better chances.
57. i'm thankful for few more things but i gotta go do a branch visit. hehe..

to be continued.. XD

a little vent before the thanks..

actually, i'm not really superventing. it's just that i'm stuck at home while everyone's out hanging out with their significant others or friends who're all home from universities whatever.. or having a girls/guys night out. and i'm here blogging.

phooey.

i want to sleepover somewhere.

i don't wanna be stuck here at home. laAAAme!!

and i asked my mom if i can have people over and she said no. double lame! tito nonoy always gets people to hang out here.

i'm a 20something year old lady stuck inside the house in front of her computer blogging about not being able to find somewhere to go on the night before thanksgiving.

phooey.

i'll go play sims now.

jaja

psst.

i love you.

jaja

another week = can't wait for the weekend.

another week, and i'm still in bed and i already see mon//tues//wed//thurs//fri flooding me!!

• drive sammie to school all week
• teller training
• teller shadowing
• driving an hour to go to schiller park for teller training
• thanksgiving preparation.. and cleaning the house too
• thanksgiving
• thanksgiving football game (hopefully,, XD)
• final exam of teller training
• laundry
• room and bathroom clean up
• wii-tini party at school (forrealz, it's like they can't do it without me)
• get air hockey table from student life
• get school stuff in my locker
• work out!!!!!!!!!
• look around for kickboxing classes

oh i can't wait for saturday.. hopefully, spend the night in chicago.
plus i can't wait (at the very least) to see the boyfriend sometime throughout the week.. XD

jaja

saturday.

oh, saturday.

i've been so busy driving everywhere that i was really looking forward to the weekend. it came. it's here. and actually, it's leaving. (it's sunday night). but this weekend was the best thing that's happened to me all week.

it was parents' day out at danny's church so i brought my sisters there to just hang out with other kids and have fun. and miss nancy even asked me to be a group leader! haha. at first, i was like, "uhm, take charge of a group of 10 kids?" i couldn't even babysit my sisters! but anyway, i was flattered that she asked me so i said yes. besides, i wanted to make danny proud. haha. overall, i had fun. there were a lot of cute kids that i actually was kinda sad to say bye to. like this kid kyle, he's like the sweetest four year old ever. whenever he wants to talk, he'd pull my shirt and go, "can i tell you something?" and then start whispering in my ear. oh my gosh, seriously, he was so cute. and then this girl allison. she's kinda quiet, but she's REALLY good with drawing and coloring and all that cool artsy fartsy stuff. and she loves kids!! well, technically, the few kids that were younger than her. what was she, like, seven? anyhoo. she was just really delicate and sweet and all that. i was having such a good time at one point here and there i forgot my sisters and even danny were in the same basement as i was. haha. i guess i don't not like groups of kids that much anymore. i just have to hold my patience longer. they're fine. and they're adoborable. haha. adobo. just kidding.

and then i took my sisters home and drove to ecc and meet up with danny to watch her friend jeanette's play "lu anne hampton laverty overlander." she was married twice. haha. but anyhoo. it was funny in some parts. but halfway throught the third and last act, i kinda fell asleep. and i was so embarrased to admit it to jeanette afterwards when she was asking me and danny which did we like better between acts 2 and 3. haha. i guess this just proves that i'm a musical, not play, kind of person. well i've seen a few plays back in the philippines, but then again, whatever. over here, i've seen beauty and the beast, grease, cabaret. so far musicals are better. that's from what i can see. haha.

and THEN we drove to jb's where some more of danny's cabaret friends were having a get together because it was sarafina's birthday. it was fun. i met some cool people, well, a couple. but yeah. haha. i drank my usual baby, a margarita.. haha.. and i'm starting to add sex on the beach (the drink, not the shot) to my repertoire. haha.

AND THEN after jb's, we went to go find a place to eat, and ended up at denny's by springhill mall. i was SO tired, and MORE cold but i had the munchies. so whatever. haha.

AND THEN FINALLY, we drove to my house and after a couple of minutes ended up on the couch, asleep. i fell asleep with whatever i had when i walked in that front door, sans the shoes. meaning scarf and jacket and all. haha.

** on a side note, i just have a story to tell.

while we were at jb's and someone was singing onstage (it's a karaoke bar), there was a semi-sorta-kinda-but not really commotion by the door, so obviously, everyone looked. but whatever. and then i overheard that this one dude just proposed to her girlfriend. so obviously, everyone was like AWWWW. and then when danny was called at the mic to sing (broken road.. i love that song.. XD), the couple just walked in. and i relialized they were the couple who each were singing country songs and all that stuff. plus they were good at it too. so when they heard they song, they danced along to it. and they were just smiling and kissing and hugging and just being happy. and i got teary eyed. i was more AWWW than earlier. and i just wanted to kick myself in the head. haha. i'm such a sucker for romance. like seriously, i could've sworn there was a radiance that they were exuding and it was as if they were in a bubble, oblivous of everyone else at the bar. just them and the song. haha. i even joked that they were gonna make that song their wedding song.. and danny would sing. but anyhoos. i was watching them and i got teary eyed and all that i wanted right then and there was to cuddle. *sigh*

and it made me remember my secret wish. and i felt a little ache in my heart.

:)

jaja

the week that flew by, i almost didn't notice it.

agh. it's a saturday morning. and i haven't blogged in a while. and my brain's in though-overload. i need to dump these thoughts out or i'd go crazy. nothing bad, really. it's just that a lot of ubermajor things (good and bad) happened the week of the 17th. psyeah. this monday that just passed. okay. i don't even know how to start this.

let's see..

monday:
i woke up early to go to work and while i was doing my thing in front of my desk and computer, filing those paperworks and faxing stuff, judie and janie called me andnasked to speak to me in private. so i followed them. haha, i was thinking, "oh no!! am i in trouble for my 'excessive' internet use?" so when we got to the empty office, they basically told me that they have to effin let me go. *sniff* coz apparently, business is doing bad and blah blah blah, blaming the frickin economy. i'm sorry but that just really broke my heart. stupid me even asked if i can finish the rest of my job. but after an hour of sitting there, i just wanted to leave already. so while everyone went off to a staff meeting, they asked me to man the phones. hah! i just sat there in front of the pc and surfed the web while waiting for the phone to ring. what? i'm not gonna get in trouble anymore. haha. but that was so sad. i never thought i'd hear those words: we have to let you go.. and.. clean up your desk before you go. i was like, crying in my car when i finally left. and i was crying when i called danny. he said i was crying like a little kid (but he didn't say that in a bad way, he meant .. you know. whatever). but i felt better coz he told me that it wasn't me, because economy really is bad, and besides i wasn't fired, i was let go. and i guess that made a whole lot of difference. but on the good side, i got a call from the other job i applied at and i start training that same day!! so yea, one window closes and another one opens. the only thing that sucks is that this definitely sets me back to look for an apartment. boo. and so i have to run and buy myself a suit top and a nice leather belt.. for two reasons: i needed it coz the new job is business attire all the way.. and i was sad so i had to buy something to relieve stress.. <== shopaholic) and then i had to drive an hour to schiller park for a five hour training.. and then drive back again. oh and danny took me to jimmy's charhouse for a nice dinner coz i just lost a frickin $11 job. boo hoo. we had a nice dinner and just chilled and talked and ate some of those awesome calamaris. and then we went back to my house and hung out and he slept over. tuesday: AND then, my first morning as a jobless (kinda) person. haha. danny and i just hung out until we had to take sammie to school. and then i had to get ready and drive again to teller trainig. wednesday: and another day. but this time i had to take dawnie and the neighborhood kids uma and andrew to school. and then sammie to school again. and then i get ready for teller training. but but but!!! i was in the middle of getting ready and my mom called me to come downstairs. and right there sitting on the counter was a boxed LAPTOP!!!!!!! yay!! i got a new laptop yay yay yay!!! well, i mean, it was a compaq not a dell with a built-in webcam and the ram is only 2 and not 3 and the hard drive is 160 and not 250.. but it's still cool.. i mean i did just get a 250Gb portable hard drive. so there. and i'm not complainig coz it's waaaayyy better than the crap i was using. i'm giving the old one to dawnie.. and she gets to keep my itunes.. but i'll miss it. i mean, it was good for listening to musc at the very least. haha. but yea.. who complaining about a free ride to laptop land?? haha! and i'm off to work. thursday: took sammie to school then work work work. aaahhh!! the drive makes me more tired than the actual training work and whenever i get home after driving 60 miles ++ all day, i just feel tired but not sleepy. like that feeling when you just got out of the pool and you still feel the ripples of the water? yea, like that. oh and danny and i were in skype for 4hours.. haha!! ======>> skype me: jdev12

haha.

friday: i wanted to update the security stuff for my computer so i brought sammie along to bestbuy and whatnot. and then danny came over and we hung out for a while and then took sammie to school and then we hung out and then we went to have some subway lunch and then off to work again.

saturday: no work today and was supposed to shadow at branch but i have to babysit, yet again. but that's okay. this afternoon i'm taking my sisters to the parents' day out thingy in danny's church,, and then we're watching jeanette's play in ecc, and then maybe stop by anastasia's bday party, AND then go to jb's for the rest of the night.. whoo. finally. funbusy. not workbusy. haha.

hmm.. i really wanna make a wishlist.. maybe laters..

and i'm hungry. i'ma go downstairs to eat.

jaja

just around the riverbend..

my life is about to change. i can feel it in my bones. the tingling excitement of being given the second chance to revert to the independence i once owned. and rocked. (yay-yuh!!)

i went to see an apartment with the boyfriend (no, we're not moving in together.. he's just helping me). and i found a decent place. looks old school but pretty awesome. and i want that place. too bad my mother dear won't co-sign for me. (but then again, she won't co-sign for me for anything). it's closer to both jobs and him. but definitely a drive to ECC. so now i have another to-do thing on my checklist. well, make that two: look for a job over there that pays at least $11 (when i get the apartment) and be tranferred to a tcf over there. oh and look into going to harper. =D

(hold that thought, i gotta pee.)

okay, i'm back. where was i..? oh yea, the apartment-hunting.

anyway, as i was saying, i can't wait to live in that place. i just like the area, coz it's pretty much tucked in fom the hustle and bustle. but just basically minutes from everything. i'm glad i listened to danny. haha. this is the second time this month he's adviced me to wait something out. as usual, being the stubborn person that i am, i was just resisting and insisting. but i listened anyway, and waiting prevailed. yay! first there was old navy. if i didn't wait that out, i would have been stuck with a minimum pay at old navy. instead, i'm about to do training for tcf bank. yay. and then there's the apartment. if i'd have let my mom talk me into that crappy *shivers* studio apartment behind ECC, then'd i'd be moving there tomorrow, when i don't even want that place. and then i saw huter ridge. i was shutting other ideas down coz i wanted hunter ridge apartments, but danny said to look some more, and he even helped me out. (by the way, where is he? maybe his phone died..) so now i found this one place i like. hopefully i get approved.

**what the hizzle!!**

(sorry, something just happened)

anyhoo. i have a to-do list for tomorrow, AAAAHHHHH!!
~ find that highschool diploma
~ email the apartment to say what's up
~ fax diploma to rMcD
~ look into harper college
~ do the laundry
~ clean room
~ find white accesories
~ me time
~ drive up to meadowdale
~ get ready for jehra's partay!!

hoo boy. independence is fun.

jaja

reinvention: a good person

today's a weird day.

i woke up feeling alive. (not to mention it was my US-aversarry 4yrs and danny-versarry 22mos yesterday)

what i mean is, i woke up today with the feeling that i want to be a good person. i want to be a better version of me. no drama, no insecurities, no boundaries, sky's the limit. crush that glass wall and glass ceiling theory.

my literature professor in university of santo tomas, in the philippines, once said, "one's reach should be farther than one's grasp, or what's a heaven for?" i believed it before, but forgot about it. now, i want to relieve it. it's going to go side by side with my own matra, "if i can't see that star, at least i know i shine."

this is me

demi lovato

I've always been the kind of girl

That hid my face

So afraid to tell the world

What I've got to say

But I had this dream

Bright inside of me

I'm going to let it show

It's time

To let you know

To let you know

This is the real, this is me

I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now

Gonna let the light

Shine on me

Now I've found

Who I am

There's no way to hold it in

No more hiding who I want to be

This is me

Do you know what it's like to feel so in the dark

To dream about a life where you're the shining star

Even though it seems

Like it's to far away

I have to believe in myself

It's the only way

This is the real, this is me

I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now

Gonna let the light

Shine on me

Now I've found

Who I am

There's no way to hold it in

No more hiding who I want to be

This is me

You're the voice I hear inside my head

The reason that I'm singing

I need to find you

I gotta find you

You're the missing piece I need

The song inside of me

I need to find you

I gotta find you

This is the real, this is me

I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be now

Gonna let the light

Shine on me

Now I've found who I am

There's no way to hold it in

No more hiding who I want to be

This is me

You're the missing piece I need

The song inside of me

This is me

You're the voice I hear inside my head

The reason that I'm singing

Now I found who I am

There's no way to hold it in

No more hiding who I want to be

This is me

[[ [[ [[ a disney song, ladies and gentlemen. but disney songs have never failed to remind me that i'm never too old for simple inspirations, simple fun, simple happiness, simple pleasure. simplicity is key. and yes, it's my time to shine. ]] ]] ]]

will i?

rent

Will I lose my dignity

will someone care

will i wake tomorrow

from this nightmare

[[ [[ [[ for those who are familiar with rent, these are the only words of the song, and it builds up as they sing it over and over and over. iono. whenever i hear this song, it makes me want to challenge things. can i do it? is it worth it? what have i got to lose? so what? if this is a nightmare now, there's nowhere else to go but up. ]] ]] ]]

unwritten

natasha bedingfield

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined

I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines

We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance

So close you can almost taste it

Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it inNo one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you

Only you can let it in

No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken

Live your life with arms wide open

Today is where your book begins

The rest is still unwritten

The rest is still unwritten

The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah

[[ [[ [[ this song may sound very The Hills-ish, but even before they've used it as a theme song, this has always been my happy song. yes, the rest is still unwritten. and i am writing and rewriting my life. and yes, there is room for mistakes, and choices. coz nothing is set in stone. ]] ]] ]]

i am who i am and i like it.

jaja

what the hell??

okay. so i had to go do a drug test this afternoon for my new job. and let me bulletpoint out what happened.

• i signed in.
• i answered some paperworks.
• i listened to the news on tv and played with my ds while waiting out in the lobby.
• i got called in.
• she made me put my jacket and purse in a chair.
• she made me go inside the common washroom and wash my hands.
• she made me go inside the testing washroom and do the deed: pee in a cup, don't flush, don't wash hands, take the cup out.
• [unfortunately for me, i peed in school before i left, without thinking.]
• i placed the cup on the counter, and apparently i'm not supposed to wash my hands (or flush the toilet)
• she put on gloves and did her thing while i just stood there.
• she asked me to sign here, here, here and here.
• and then i was done.

BUT.

what was wrong with the picture?? well, just in case no one saw it, i'll gladly point it out.

SHE MADE ME SIGN STUFF WITH A PEN FROM THE PEN HOLDER WITHOUT ME WASHING MY HANDS!!

uhm, EW?

jaja

not a girl, not yet a woman.

such a totally cliche phrase, but nevertheless, it's the phrase that's very appropriate for the phase that i am in right now.

a month ago, i got home from work to my mom telling me that i would have to start looking for an apartment coz they're moving to cali in a few months. no, they're not kicking me out. i just don't want to move with them. cali's good, but moving WITH them. i prolly don't think so.

so. my plans of getting a new car is put off, and now i am struggling to find a SECOND job to be able to afford a place.

so these are the things that need to be done:

made arrangements for my classes to do independent study to finish the semester early: CHECK
rearranged my scheduled at my first job, bowes: CHECK
looked around for jobs and applied for whatever i can get my hands on: CHECK
found a job: CHECK (yay on that one! within a week!)
looked around for places: CHECK
found one i like: CHECK (but i still have to look around)

but i still have a listful of stuff that needs to be done to transition from all that i have now to all that i need to have:

look for my highschool transcript, fax my highschool transcript, buy business suits, get a drug test, apply for hunter ridge apts, look arounf some more, look at barrington lakes, get my hands on my 401k to buy a car, SAVE SAVE SAVE!! oh and lost 5 more lbs before the year's over. tee hee.

but anyhoo, i feel like i'm getting thrown out into the open sea with only my knowledge for mocrowaveables under my belt for survival.

BUT.

i'm excited.

excited. anxious. anticipating. scared. nervous. jittery. BUT excited.

i'm not ready to grow up, but i'm ready to be independent.

come on life, HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT! =D

p.s.:
i'm excited to paint and repaint.
and IKEAfy my future place.

HELLZ YAY.

jaja

listening pays.

first off, the previous entry is indeed unfinished due to an unnecessary situation that arose.

anyhoo..

presenting..

the newest recruit of tcf bank!! >> janisdev!!

haha. ooh. i'm so glad i listened to danny's advice and not take the old navy job.. or else i would've been stuck with a $7.75 job, quit, and took tcf. ooh. thanks, dude!!

and thanks for believing i'm worth WAAAAYYY more than $7.75.

mwah.

jaja

a trip to the mall: empty kiosks and killer skinny jeans

i went to do some errands today, around 8ish. and as usual, i've spent a little bit more than i had to. ugh.

i just went to spring hill mall so that i can get a refill box of proactive and there was nobody there at the kiosk (as usual) so i walked past and went to charlotte russe to look around for a pair of skinny jeans and to just, uh well, just look around. after a ten fifteen ish minutes, i went back to the kiosk but it was still empty. and it there was this clock thingy sign saying "will be back in" and it says 845pm. it even had a handwritten sign that says "out to lunch, sorry i missed you"! oh what gall! so i decided to walk around the mall. i went inside buckle and tried on a couple pairs of skinny jeans. warning people!! never try on a pair unless you're shopping with girl friends!! like, seriously, i almost died trying to pry those denims out of me! i almost landed on my butt, which would've meant my butt and pink underwear showing for everyone to see! hah! and then i walked around some more and went back to the proactive kiosk. and the effin' clock sign is still up and -

DO YOU THINK I'M A GOOD PERSON?

FUCK.

e-Life

gmail.
facebook.
myspace.
friendster.
blogspot.
multiply.
snapfish.
photobucket.
watch-movies.
online banking.
cellphone carrier.
craftster.
youtube.
amazon.
craigslist.

not to mention, online shopping and such.

holy heck. i don't have a life.
i have an E-LIFE.

oh gawd, i need a REAL life.

inxs: i'm blogging while my boss is in front of me on the counter doing paperworks.

i'm all BALLS. =D

another[WEEK]

good morning good morning good morning!!
woke up at 6a [which technically meant 5a with the whole time change].
and what am i doing?
uploading MORE iccsaa pictures. the rest of the 245ish of them.
who knew i took that many? was i subconsciously being historian of the year that i felt compelled to point and shoot every five seconds??
the iccsaa experience lasted for 29hours. that's a picture in every 7ish minutes.
what could be so important in seven minutes? haha.
ooh, did i mention i woke up to the wiggles dancing??
[fyi] i sleep with the tv on coz i don't like it superduper quiet and superduper dark during sleepy sleepy time. =]

oh gawd. after i finish uploading, i still have to tag and caption.
--> oh the life of a facebooker is hard .:rolls eyes:.

and this is the rest of my to-do list.. [for the WEEK]
**go to work
**talk to judie about work hours
**2nd- and 3rd- jobhunting
**drive around and look at apartments
**talk to professors for possibly finishing the semester early
**work out
**vacuum inside of car
**car wash maybe?
**read brian tracy book
**STUDY!!
**make buttons, posters, flyers, handbills, emails, and facebook events for cpb
**put up all publicity
**fold my laundry
**amazon books
**get vhs tapes from danny and craigslist 'em
**go around the house and get all COINS i can get my hands on and change it to bills, bills, bills to help pay for my bills, bills, bills
**return anastasia's cardigan
**update planner
**buy a hard drive
**buy blank cds
**burn music to cd
**find the distance of the place where you throw darts
**borrow game day tuesday stuff from parentals
**make a list of what we need for november events
**make a menu of thanksgiving lunch and make gabe send the email to all clubs
**email katie about relay
**sponsorship letter for atlanta conference
**solicit raffle prizes for thanksgiving lunch
**ME TIME!!

busy[busy]busy

a.) iccsaa: spent the weekend of the 24th in springfield illinois and was the best time ever. yay for sno cones. *wink wink*

b.) psychic fair: dressed up as a mime with danny for cpb's psychic fair on the 27th.

c.) work: tryna catch up with my missed days at work that i've been working every free time i can get.

d.) have to look for an apartment. FAST!

e.) ugh. given up hope of getting a car by the 12th of nov as my anniversary gift to myself. have to put it off for a few more months.

f.) have to look for a second AND third job. FASTER!!

g.) news about the a-flipz club that made me VERY heartbroken. disappointed and heartbroken.

h.) will start working out. started today. have to lose weight FAST!

i.) more publicity for cpb this month.

j.) have to talk to profs to may be finish the semester earlier than the rest.

k.) halloween!!

l.) went trick or treating with sisters and danny.

m.) halloween party at cherry's. FUN!!

n.) almost done knitting green scarf.

o.) saw the wedding date w/debra messing. was fun. =]

OH.. another week.

=D

iccsaa leadership conference

i'm going to iccsaa for the second year in a row!! danny and i are going again but this time under a different clubs: me=college programming board and him=volleyball club. last year we went under the asian filipino club. i'm so excited. this year it's gonna be in springfield, illinois and i'm looking forward to sightseeing! haha, what a tourist. but for some reason i feel like this year's going to be a little bit lame than last year. correction, this year may be lame, coz last eyar was awesome. iono, for some reason, the people in studet life are not as much fun as last year's. but then again, maybe they're younger than me and not everyone's friends. (well, that's how i see it). iono, but for me, last year's school year was cool. despite the drama. everyone was friends with EVERYONE. well, uh, plus the fact that danny and i were the first ever members of the a-flipz club to represent and go to iccsaa. and since this year, there'll be no one from the a-flipz (which i'm kinda disappointed but whatever), then danny and i will have been the ONLY a-flipz in the history of the club to go to iccsaa. yay us. we're so osang, it hurts. XD

ugh. i don't even want to get into that fact conference thing.

5..

4..

3..

2..

1..

so yea. i can't wait, even though dnany and i are going without receiving the information email. haha. that'd be fun. for one thing, there's a dinner tonight and although i know that we're supposed to dress nice and whatnot, i just brought jeans, flats and a nice-enough top. danny's outfit will be a button-down shirt and jeans. that'll be interesting. cz we didn't know it's supposed to be business attire! ahaha!

well, it's 45minutes til take off (by bus haha).
and danny's still at vball practice. i should go get him.
yay, i'm so excited!!

♥
jaja

[wis]dells, baby.

i would like to thank my sponsors, jason catala and danny espiritu for making this trip possible. haha!

last saturday, i went to danny's karate demonstration and it was pretty much for the whole day. i was videotaping and taking pictures and stuff. and danny did this musical form he's been working on for a week. it was awesome, i tell ya! (you know it, and i know you're reading this dude!) i've been in the last two demonstrations (happens every year) which makes this my third, and i have to say, this has been his coolest musical form yet! it was intense and fast and [osang] and whatnot. XD

and then after karate, we ate at portillo's with his family and some other people from karate. and then.. jason has been calling us inviting us to follow him and nikki up in wisconsin dells. at first danny and i were like, nah, too far and too late. but since we're just [osang] like that, we finally went "let's go!" around 9-10ish pm. and since danny and i usually do impromtu and on-a-whim stuff, he just packed a little bit, i didn't even have anything with me(!) and off we went. thank god the van i drove is registered with my mom's iPass. =D no swimsuit, no underwear, no change of clothes. all i had was my purse, a zip-up track jacket, and a free shirt from the karate demonstration. hey, at least i had a toothbrush. haha.

so we drove, well i did, coz he was tired from karate, and it was fun. we stopped by this gas station and got some energy drinks, and drove some more. and we got there sometime after midnight. but then jason and niki were already sleeping, so after jumping on nikki while she was sleeping, danny and i decided to walk around the hotel and explore (great wolf lodge).

it was a nice place, very homey and i like the log cabin-essness of it. there were set ups around the hotel and we played around the the whole hotel. there was a stage with a psoter of hannah montana and the jonas brothers (joBros baby! just kidding). and i took a picture. and then they had a huge arcade place downstairs and bears and bulls and mooses (meese?) everywhere. i was just so excited coz its my first time at the dells. and i didn't even have money then! i didn't get paid until after the trip so danny spotted me, which is why he's awesome, coz he always makes sure we both have a good time.. and we did!!

and then when we woke up the next day, we went for buffet breakfast (yum) after taking more pictures. oh yea,, and that's nikki's butt. (_)(_)!!

haha! then we went swimming!! i felt like such a fatso coz i really wasn't expecting to go to wisconsin and go swimming and then i ate a HUGE breakfast! the first place we went to when we went to the waterpark was the tornado thing, and i got SCARED. yea, i'm such a scaredy cat when it comes to ANY ride, that has drops and falls in it. and this water funnel ride was five-storey high. (well, imagine the one on hurricane harbor which is 8-storeys). they all went the first round, and then they forced and coerced me. i seriously didn't want to. but i got my scaredy little butt on to the raft and then i fell on my butt landing on that funnel thing anyway! i have to admit it's fun.. but i hate hate HATE the dropping part. and they went at least 10 times, i think. and then there was that other ride where you slide face first, and i'm like, uh-oh. no. no effin way. no more drops. i think i would've enjoyed more if i wasn't such a coward, but i had fun nevertheless coz it was a fun trip with a fun group of people. yay us!

me + danny + nikki + jason

a.) nice face, nikki! (coz jason farted maybe..)

b.) me and danny are looking at jason's camera

c.) nikki and jason are looking at danny's camera

my secret wish.

i have a secret wish. something that i have longed for for a while now. but it's so big and so secret that i have yet to tell someone. anyone. and yet, i want it to happen. i want it so bad that the mere thought of it not happening breaks my heart. i see it everywhere. on tv, movies, my friends, people on the streets. and i want it too.

..i want to marry danny.
..i feel he's the one.
..and i love him so much.
..i want to wake up every morning next to him.
..to kiss him goodnight is the last thing i want to do every night.
..i want to learn to cook so i can make him dinners.
..do his laundry.
..give him a massage when he gets home from work.
..i want to drive him to his karate class.
..i want to go to church with him.
..i want to watch him sleep.
..and wake up.
..and get dressed.
..and help me do chores.
..i want to have a nice house with him.
..with a 4-cylinder car, with a freaking pink or blue car seat at the back.
..and yet he doesn't know a thing.

aw gawd.

jaja

who knew online can be so sweet? [♥]

[original chat started minutes earlier but too personal to put.. XD]

12:32 AM
danny: whatcha doin?
me: haha.. nothing. whatcha doing
?
am watching the replacements
danny: nothin
whatcha doin
12:33 AM ?
12:34 AM
me: nothing watching the replacements
watchadoing?
danny: nothing playing on the computer
whatcha doin?
me: nothing playing dressupgames
whatcha doing?
danny: nothing knitting a sweater
whatcha doin?
12:35 AM
me: nothing laying on the bed
watcha doing?
danny: nothing running around aimlessly and naked
whatcha doin?
12:36 AM
me: nothing thinking about you running around aimlessly and naked
12:37 AM whatchadoing?
danny: nothing thinking about you thinking about me running around aimlessly and naked
whatcha doin?
me: nothing missing you
12:38 AM watchadoing?
12:39 AM
danny: "There's an Italiam painter, named Carlotti, and he difined beauty...He said it was the summation of the parts, working together in such a way that nothing needed to be added, taken away, or altered, and thats you, you're beautiful.
--Nicolas Cage, Next
12:41 AM
me: "Missing someone gets easier everyday because even though you are one day further from the last time you saw them, you are one day closer to the next time you will."
12:43 AM
danny: Love is arguments that can't be sorted until they're talked through. Even if it means tyou can't face seeing each other for days without feeling anger, you both know after the explanations and apologies have sunk in, everything will be alright again.
12:44 AM
me: "Love is knowing you are the bud from which his happiness blossoms."
12:45 AM
danny: "The best thing about me is you"
12:46 AM
me: awwwwwww...
danny: you're supposed to keep going
=
=D
12:47 AM
me: i know but i couldnt help myself on that one.. hold on m turn
"If you will asked me to give up everything my answer is no. Why? Because you're my everything and I can't give you up."
12:49 AM
danny: I love you, not only for what you are, but for what i am when i'm with you
me: "Loving you is the second best thing I have done, finding you was the first."
12:50 AM
danny: "you make me immortal with just one kiss"
12:51 AM
me: "Each turn of the clock hand uncovers another reason why I love you!"
12:52 AM
danny: "life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction"
12:53 AM
me: "The never-ending feeling I feel when I'm with you, the warmth of your hands when the world feels so cold, love to many is just a simple word, but to me it's knowing that you will always be there for me, and that to me is everything."
12:55 AM
danny: "Sometimes your nearness takes my breath away; and all the things I want to say can find no voice. Then, in silence, I can only hope my eyes will speak my heart."
12:56 AM
me: "If ever you think of me out of the blue, just remember it's all the kisses I've blown in the air finally catching up with you!"
12:57 AM
danny: "loving you is like seeing a glimpse of heaven"
12:59 AM
me: "Sometimes someone says something really small and it fits right into this empty place in your heart."
1:01 AM
danny: "if I could reach up and hold a star for every time you made me smile, I would have the whole night sky in the palm of my hand/"
1:03 AM
me: =D
"Never question if you are in love or not, because if you were you wouldn't need to ask."
1:04 AM
danny: "Kiss me and you will see stars; love me and I will give them to you."
me: "Last night I matched each star with a reason for loving you. I was doing great until I ran out of stars."
1:06 AM
danny: "love doesn't make the world go round, love is what makes the ride worthwhile."
1:07 AM
me: "Most people want to be the sun that brightens up your life, but I'd rather be the moon that shines down on you in your darkest hours."
1:08 AM
danny: 'If I know what love is, it is because of you."
1:10 AM
me: "I just close my eyes because I might see your face. I just close my mouth because I might hear your voice. I just close my ears because I might hear of you, but I could not close my heart because I love you."
1:11 AM
danny: "somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile...that someone is me."
1:13 AM
me: "I love you not because it is right, but because I love you."
danny: "if I had to choose between loving you and breathing, I would use my last breath to say I love you"
1:16 AM
me: "It's not my fault I love you, it's yours."
danny: "and if it all falls apart, I will konw deep in my heart, the only dream that mattered had come true....In this life, I was loved by you"
1:19 AM
me: "I love you more than my teddybear, but please, don't tell him ... ."
1:20 AM
danny: "If rain drops were kisses, I could send you showers. If hugs were seas I send you oceans. and if love were a person I'll send you me!!"
1:21 AM
me: I love you more now than when you began to read this sentence."
1:22 AM
danny: "You talk too much, you laugh too loud, that's the price of loving you."
me: hahaha!!!
"I love you, beyond poetry."
danny: "I love you more than you love me"
1:24 AM
me: "I love you very much, because with you, I found a way to love myself again."
danny: "How sweet it is to be loved by you."
1:25 AM
me: have you been using songs?!?!?!?
"Just before I turn in for the night, I want to let you know that my heart stays with you tight, so that my warmth will make you feel that everything's going to be right. I love you."
danny: "If you love me like you say you do, you'll buy me ice cream."
1:27 AM
me: ??
haha! that was so cute
danny: thank you
i win!!!!
YAY ME!!!
B-)
i'm gonna take a shower
and get ready for bed now
i'll call you after that
=D
me: we've been at it for an hour.. can i get a last chance??
1:28 AM
danny: nope
sorry
=P
me: its okay.. that was cute..
danny: wasn't it awesome
betcha didn't see that one coming
me: what all of it?
1:29 AM
danny: yeah
especially the ice cream part
hahah
a
me: i know.. i'm all warm and fuzzy now..
you're cool,, =D
meant every all of it too..
danny: how come you're warm and i'm cool
me: **every all??
danny: i thought iwas hot stuff
and you're ice cube
1:30 AM ?
me: you know what i mean.. =D
danny: yeah yeah yeah
me: well,, we rubbed off each other
danny: well...we rubbed on each other too
me: ahaha!! how can we go from talking nasty
danny: doesn't this make you wanna just lay back and cuddle
me: to talking sweet??
danny: ?
1:31 AM me: yup.. cuddling would be the best way to end it.. =D
the night i mean
danny: oh ell
well
*
me: delayed gratification,, XD
danny: i guess we'll have to save it for another day
me: yup.. i agree.. can't wait! XD
danny: BOOBIE!!!
that's a good way to end it
hahahha
=P
:P
1:32 AM you agree?!?!
me: PENIS!! and BOOBIE too
danny: on "BOOBIE!!!"
hahaha
okay okay
me: yup!
danny: gotta get rady now
rady!!
hahaha
me: aiyt fine.. =D
gimme a call.. =D
danny: mmkay
me: <3 :-|
danny: signing off
1:33 AM me: mkay

why hello there, digital age.

omg.

i'm beginning to feel like i'm being replaced by a frickin' laptop.

a.) he's always concerned about how he doesn't get enough sleep so he's been trying to sleep earlier coz he has class at 8 in the morning.. before he got a laptop. now he's up until 2am dL-ing music and uL-ing pics and being on facebook..

*i understand coz he's never had a pc and it's new.. but still.

b.) he's on the phone with me AND doing stuff in the computer.

*sales class taught me that there's no such thing as multi-tasking.

c.) i was in the middle of telling him a story and he says, "hey, i'll call you back." but an hour later, he still hasn't called me back. understandable if he was busy,, but he's on facebook again!!

ugh.

inxs: i refuse to be replaced by something from the effin' gadget age.

>_<,,

jaja

friday night tears

it's a friday night. i am neither out with friends hanging out nor enjoying myself. i'm effin' crying.

i'm supposed to be giddy with excitement right now, because after waiting for a whole week, i get to hang out with danny tomorrow. but instead, i'm crying, and he's off blowing off steam somewhere. i mean, seriously, am i that of a tragedy to deal with? i ruin relations left and right, and where do i end up? kicked to the curb.

in my 23 years of living i have managed to ruin the more important relationships i've had..

my relative in california? i don't talk to them anymore.
my bestfriends in the philippines? no contact.
my first friend here in the united states, silvia? she's despised me.
my soulmate krackel? guess we're not soulmates anymore.
my mom? i try to stay away.
my stepdad? i avoid him at all costs.
my sister, punx? lives in cali and we always just end up yelling and cursing and hanging up.
even my dad, who brought me up for 19years of my life? i haven't talked to him in over two years.
tristan, who i promised i would protect from the cruelty of the world? i feel like i don't know him anymore..
gaea, who i treated as a sister along and her family my family? i feel distant from her.
my boyfriend and bestfriend, danny? well, he'd pretty much be more excited having lunch with someone else than spend time with me.

something is fucking wrong with me? why can't i see that i'm actually suppose to keep the good relationships and throw away the bad ones. here i am ruining relationships, but making up with my frenemy, justine. (long story.)

maybe keeping relationships is a WHOLE NEW concept for me. hey janis, uh i don't know if anyone told you these, but you're suppose to hold on to the relationships that you like.

oh effer. what is wrong with me? why is it that i manage to do the wrong things all the time. and who ends up hurt and crying and nursing a broken heart?? ME. fucking ME.

and why do i not learn my lesson? i don't know, maybe because i fail to realize the mistakes in the first place. ugh. all i want is to be happy, and be in a happy surrounding, with happy people surrounding me. i know, the world doesn't revolve around me, but maybe i can share the spotlight you know? i mean, each person that i deem important, i may not spend every waking day with them, but when i'm with them, the have their own spotlight, colors and all. they don't share with anyone. i give them their own spotlight. i'm not even beggin for my own spotlight, maybe i can just share. but nnnoooooooo.. i have to beg even for just a blink of a spotlight.

oh, boy..
friend.
oh, boyfriend.

is love really overrated?
or do i still get my chance?

..i still want my chance.

jaja

"..if you want to gather honey, don't kick over the beehive.."

oh dale carnegie, thank you for your wisdom!

fyi, dale carnegie wrote "how to win friends & influence people.
fyi, this book is so awesome it's been in print for 70 years!

i am taking mkt105 (sales) and we have to do a report on dale carnegie's book, and from the first 30 pages i've read, i can already tell this will help me learn about stuff i should've realized a long time ago. =D

but right now, i just wanna share something that i learned from dCarnegie..

appreciation and flattery are two different things.

appreciation is sincere, flattery is not.
**flattery is cheap praise.
appreciation comes from the heart out, flattery comes from the teeth out.
one is selfish, the other unselfish.
one is universally admired,and the other is universally condemned.

"flattery is telling the other person precisely what he thinks about himself."

once i did bad and that i heard ever//twice i did good and that i heard never.

some people are so hungry, so thirsty for appreciation that they will swallow anything, just as a starving man will eat grass and fishworms.

so remember people: appreciation, not flattery.

jaja

promise ring my butt.

it's been a busy week. fun stuff here and there. and what am i going to blog about? stupid promise rings.

ugh.

note: for those of you who saw the mtv vmas last sunday, you know what i'm talking about.

chris brand was the host for this year's vmas. and as avid mtv fans know, it always starts with the host and his standup, bashing and trashing celebrities and whatnot. and he started talking about like-a-virgins and promise rings. and fyi, i didn't know that the JoBros (jonas brothers in layman terms) wear promise ring to symbolize their, uh, promise to stay virgs. and then, as a retort, jordin sparks, another promise ring wearer, said that it's not bad to wear promise rings because maybe some girls and boys don't want to be sluts. and then the camera pans to the JoBros with their stoic expressions while cBrand explains himself, in that accent of his.

now i have an issue with this. issues, i mean.

a.) jSparks' comment leaves no room for a gray area. it's a yes or no comment, or black and white. however you want to put it. why? because inasmuch as i know that she means well, i gues she should've tought about how to say it first. she said that people wear promise rings because not everyone wants to be sluts. does that mean those who don't wear them ARE sluts? well, i never wore a promise ring. does that make me a slut? who else didn't? my mom, my sister, my boyfriend, probably his mom, my girl friends, they never did. does that mean i surround myself with sluts? that promise ring is not gonna cork a vagina, people. i can stick to my ideals even without a promise ring.

and just in case people didn't notice, young people were there. miley cyrus, drake and josh, and the JoBros all brought their fans along with them obviously. preteens, young'uns, you name it. they may want to start wearing promise rings because their idols wear them and they're good role models about staying virgs until god-knows-when, or they may think that OMG, we're not wearing rings, are we slutzillas??

and i'm gonna say it again, i know she meant well, she should've just thought about it first.

b.) the JoBros are babies for taking to heart whatever cBrand said. it's the MTV, for crying out loud. it's about sex, and curse words, and bashings, and too-close-for-comfort humor! nick, kevin and joe (funny i know their names..XP) sitting there looking like they were disrespected, was normal, but they should've expected something. they're like the biggest thing in the bubblegum pop world, and of course they'r gonna be talked about. maybe they're not ready for the big world, little boys. maybe disney is where they belong, filled with rainbows, butterflies, and unicorns. thy're cute and all, but what the hizzle? i think that they should drop their tighty-whiteys and start wearing some boxer briefs (which are tres hot) if they want to make it in the man man's world. (hah! man man..)

jaja

i can't believe i'm so heartbroken.

..over the asian filipino club. this sucks, man.

does anybody out there understand how heartbroken i am. i think, only danny does.

i feel like i lost a family, and i lost a friend.

a-flipz club and gaea.

i don't know. i just feel so distant now.

i'm heartbroken, and sad. i can't even convert it to words.

*tear*

jaja

WHY IS IT RAINING TODAY??????????????

.. and why am i wearing flipflops??

ugh.

uhm, i'm in computer class again. ang i'm blogging again coz i'm kinda bored. hehe.

but i want to rant.

why is it raining??
you know why??
coz it's too warm to be snow!!
ugh.
(can you tell i kinda don't like winter?)

i was all set to go outside the house when my 5 y/o sister sammie said, "it's drizzling outside. you can bring the umbrella by the door." and all i said was, "well, i'm not bringing a big umbrella since it's just drizzling anyway." of course, leave it to a five year-old to appreciate big umbrellas. haha.

so i, in my hoodless track jacket and flipflops, walked out the "drizzly" weather. 12 seconds into pulling out of the driveway, it started pouring!! and of course, lazy me did not want to turn back around to grab a hoodie, plus i was running late. and i was running on wishful thinking that it'll let up as soon as i get to school.

but it didn't.

it was wet, and drenching, and pouring. oh, and the traffic started getting bad. XP.

and when i got to the parking lot, what one thing went past my head the whole time and i didn't notice until i was about to get out of my car??

i'm wearing effin' flipflops!!

and the parking lot was uneven enough to have puddles of water all over the place! so i looked like a dummy skipping around trying to avoid these puddles. [insert loud groan here].

so now i'm in class, came in late,

i really should be doing schoolwork right now..

.. but i'm not. yet, anyway.

ugh, i think that blogging keeps me sane. coz i'm starting to get hooked again, for the 12 millionth time. but i just wanna "upload" stuff that happened today.

well, basically, i went to school after work and it was actually cool. i thought it'd be awkward after being MIA for a week and a half, practically. but when i got to school people were saying hi to me and telling me they missed me and wondering where i've been lately and complimenting me on my new hair and whatnot. and i was all like, "wow!! look at all these people who actually noticed i was gone! i guess, i'm not so invisible after all.."

p.s.: i tried to be the bigger person for gaea, again, and i felt very distant from her. :-(

i think i had a fairly productive, interesting, and fun day today. better than the past two weeks-ish.

i went to student life to do some notes for management class. i met up with danny for lunch. i met up wtih santiago coz i recruited him for the college programming board. i was even on a roll with all the ideas and suggestions and stuff for cpb. and then i met up with andrea and we talked about kaibigan international, and we are actually planning for it to be an actual organization. we were researching about it and planning and we are just so excited about it. and then i finished my previous blog. and then i had a fun time in sales class. and then i'm home. XD.

i just missed out on working out.

i'll just catch up tomorrow. XD.

and then now, here's what i'm supposed to be doing:
[ ] rewrite notes for sales class
[ ] make notes for management class
[ ] read intro to comp slides
[ ] punch and compile handouts
[ ] read over kaibigan international research materials
[ ] make and compile kaibigan international materials
[ ] write script for kaibigan international videoo
[ ] ideas and suggestions for cpb
[ ] poster ideas for cpb
[ ] add cpb, afc, kaibigan international binder dividers
[ ] email amybeth about sales class video
[ ] email amazon about books
[ ] read 120pages of dale carnegie's how to win friends and influence people
[ ] kaibigan international planning stuff

..okay

..here goes

jaja

amazing long weekend = crashtired in class come tuesday.

hoo boy! i am in computer class right now and i am blogging.

this.
is.
♥ AWESOME. ♥

or maybe not. 'coz i think i'm supposed to be listening. but instead, i've already checked my email, my facebook, and now i'm blogging. ooh, i love blogging.

but anyways. let's see if i can finish this blog in fifteen minutes. or less.

so i've had a really amazing weekend, and it's the awesomest one i've had in a really long time.

friday:

i went to work and then i got to hang out with danny. and then i went on a roadtrip, by myself thank you very much, to woodhaven to hang out with la familia. and i have to say, that was the coolest experience ever. i don't know why people don't like driving. i love, love, LOVE driving. and now that i had my personal roadtrip experience, well, i'm addicted to it. i felt lit those movie plots where i only have just enough cash on me, a small overnight purse, a crappy car with no A/C and a busted radio, plus the fact that it's a really crappy car and i don't know where the effer i'm going. haha. life in the open road is awesome. i got my ipod with me, "singing" at the top of my lungs, with the farms and trees and highway unfolding in front of me. i got such an amazing natural high and adrenaline rush from it that i'm motivated more than ever to save up for a really cool and awesome roadtrip car. secondhand, of course. i'm still rooting for a white honda crv, the old school version. which by the way, is WAY cooler than the new one. (which reminds me of a turtle..) and then i got to woodhaven and i was just lounging poolside while mis hermanas were swimming. and then i was just reading my new book, and playing the ds and the wi. i didn't swim coz i just didn't feel like it. maybe when i'm 30lbs lighter. XD

saturday:

we went home. well, actually it was more complicated than that. my mom, and sister and matthew and i drove to midway, back home, then midway again, and then home sans matthew and soleil. and then danny and i were off to a nice chill dinner out in jimmy's charhouse. (see previous entry for the fight that ensued.) and then we just chilled at my house and watched a movie (matchstick men) while he gave me a massage. XD

sunday:

danny had to go to karate and then to his oh-so-special cabaret cast night out in chicago. so that left me to tend for myself for the rest of the day. so after breakfast with danny, which i made for him, he left. and then i managed to make my day productive to the fullest. i cleaned and redid my room, i did laundry, i cleaned and redid my bathroom, i went shopping for a little bit (shopping therapy for my sitch with gaea, see previous entry.) and then i ate some lunch (chippotle) while watching the second season of will and grace. and then i downloaded some songs from limewire for my ipod (love it!), and i played sims too. haha. and then i invited danny to sleep over because we'll be leaving for chicago early the next day. and this time, i promised no fights. XD

monday: labor day (3rd labor day we went downtown. ♥)

[oops, class is almost over. lemme finish this after class. i'ma just run across the hall to the computer lab. if there's a free computer. XD]

edit:
it's the 3rd of sept, 720a. and i'm blogging before work. i said i was going to finish my blog entry immediately after class yesterday but i got caught up with, uh, going home. so, i'm just gonna finish this up before getting in my car, putting gas in it, and then driving to bowes.


monday: labor day (3rd labor day we went downtown. ♥)

danny and i woke up early-ish. and then we decided to get some breakfast before catching the 955 train, which ended up to be the 1155 train for us. we were gonna get some smoothies at the gay shakes place (i.e. froots smoothies or something like that), but decided on jamba juice instead (yum, love.). so we went to grab bfast at denny's which was like right next door to jamba. it was a nice bfast if not for the, ugh, server we got who was drenched in sweat. i was so afraid it would drip right down to my bfast skillet and water. ewwwww.

and then we drove to national street to catch our train. since we got there early enough, we ended up cleaning danny's windows. apparently, it's my fault for deliberately putting fingerprints and footprints (haha! that was a fun time!) on the insides of his windows and windshield. and then the train came. it was a fun, nice, chillax ride i have to say. i just whipped out my ipod and we started singing and being goofy. we sang tagalog songs, rnb, boybands, disney, and even bubble pop (one love - jordan pruitt). it was interesting to see that a few people who were on the train were drinking already. not interesting that they were drinking, interesting that they were drinking at noon. i mean, just because they're not driving doesn't mean they have to drink (an observation i would soon realize later on in the day) . but then again, i guess it was due to the fact that there was a cubs game, and they were gearing up for it. haha. and then.. we're in chicago!!

i love chicago.

it gives me this adventurous, independent, spontaneous, natural high-y spirit in me. and i love it. the architecture is awesome, the people are most definitely interesting, the food is everywhere, the cars are crazy (well, the drivers are), the weather is always just about right, and art is everywhere.

did i mention i love chicago? <3 style="font-style: italic;">wawa face here] (wawa = pity in tagalog). so danny and i were like, let's just walk around millenium park. we went to the big tent and there was a family fun event thingy sponsored by target and we got free hats that won't even fit our heads, ooh and we learned how to make recycled paper. haha. and then we were walking around some more and there was a concert going on but it was so hot and our legs started sweating uncomfortably from the heat (we were wearing jeans) so we decided to go find a shade somewhere. and then we got to the water place at the millenium park and danny wanted to just make a run around the water, and so we did. i asked him if we're gonna wait for the heavy waterfall and he said no, but when we got th=o that spot, he tried to hold me in place just so i will be the only one getting drenched. AHH!! but then luckily, i grabbed his belt loop and we both got drenched. now we're both soaked with no towels or a change of clothes, thank you very much. so we just grabbed our stuff and decided to stand under the sun and dry off. and then we found a ledge so we can lie down and dry off. so in our damp glory, we lied down and listened to music some more and tooks lots of pictures. ooh, and i made him model for ipod while i take pictures. haha. he's such an actor, really. well, more like a performer/entertainer. but it was fun. XD. and then when we were a bit more dry, we decided we'll walk around and find a place to eat.

we decided to be spontaneous and try something we've never been to before so we walked around and found --> BB restaurant and bar (Beef Brandy). it was a really cool place. very chill, relaxed, quaint, and very private too. we both love the service, the food was good and the prices were not that bad either.

[i gotta go to work, i'll finish this in school after work.]

edit:
it's the 3rd still, and at 6:21pm trying to fnish this blog. i have 39 mins to do so before going to sales class. oh, and while i'm doing this, i'm reading a book for class: dale carnegie's how to win friends and influence people.

.. after BB, we walked around to find a trolley that will take us to navy pier, basically our last destination for the day. we hopped on one and just chilled while enjoying the ride downtown. we got to navy pier and walked straight to the beer garden. there were people dancing on the floor and the band, i guess, wasn't too bad, considering the fact that he looked like a shrunken vin diesel (i.e., haven't worked out in a year or something.) he grabbed a draft and i a margarita and sat down at one of the picnic benches to people-watch. fyi: we love to people-watch. and this instance was a very entertaining one indeed. there was a group of white girls (and blonde too) dancing right up the front by the stage. and needless to say, there was a token white girl who can't dance. and seriously can't dance. it was entertaining. we wanted to look away but there will always be a morbid fascination that people just can't resist to look, well, stare.

after that, we walked back towards the front when we saw the cooler part of the beer garden, where there were beach chairs out where you can just lounge and stuff. and i got a strawberry margarita and he got a strawberry daquiri. i learned something by the way.. strawberry margarita has tequila while strawberry daquiri has rum. hehe. oh, and lime always make the taste of anything better. haha. and danny had to pee so we walked towards the nearest washroom. while i was waiting for him outside, i was reading the timeline of chicago by the stained glass museum area of navy pier, when i started getting tipsy and stuff, and i was like "ooh, fun! drunk in the city!" and then we decided to grab dinner at joe's be-bop cafe. where i had my third drink in the last hour basically for that night: a cosmopolitan. and danny got a long island iced tea. uhm, sorry for the sex and the city fanatics but i guess i'm not going to be a cosmo follower. unless, of course, they made it too strong at joe's. i'm a strawberry margarita girl ♥♥.

oh, well, of coruse we had food also. haha. but i was too dizzy to eat and my stomach was too upset to take in any more stuff. so we ended up taking the rest to go and then after relieving ourselves in the bathroom (meaning to pee, separately, you grossminded people! =D) we hopped on the next bus back to union station.

and thus endeth our 3rd labor day trip to chicago. well, coz we mostly fell asleep on the ride back home.

it was fun. i had a really nice time spending the day downtown with danny, as always. and since we kinda had a bad time in chicago the last time we were there (for the taste if chicago), i promised him that i will make it up to him for labor day. and i did. and we had a really fun time.

*sigh*

i love spending time with danny. adventures, spontaneity, randomness, roadtrips, and whatever. we have fun all the time. because we generally agree on the same things and we are open to doing what the other person wants to do, which basically is the same thing for that person too.

♥ i'm lucky to have him. ♥

jaja