I'm tired, but I can't help it. Why can't I just wake up tomorrow morning and not love him anymore. He's always hanging out with her, and it hurts me like hell. It STILL hurts me like hell. Two months have passed, and yes, I'm so so SO NOT OVER HIM.
Everything I want is everything that he is.
Do I have to say it again? He's my happiness, he's my laughter, he's my tears. He's my love, he's my life, and he completes me.
Why does it have to end? I guess my whole theory stands true: If it's too good to be true, it's probably not.
I saw him in my future. He was going be part of my life. Marriage and kids and all that happy mushy crap. Not anytime soon, but in time.
I saw myself waking up early to make him breakfast, to pack him his lunch for work, to iron his clothes, to look at the back of my van and see car seats, booster seats, whatever. I saw myself with his last name connected to mine. I saw a wedding ring on my finger. I saw myself closing my eyes and waking up next to him from now until forever. I saw all that. It wasn't something I wanted right away. I wanted to prepare for that. But now it's not going to happen. I'm not losing hope. This is just a phase, I tell myself. So what if she's throwing herself all over her, suck it up right? Because I'm still holding on to hope, prayers, faith, fate, everything that is good that was us.
I love you, Danny Espiritu.
