i AM a beautiful tragedy indeed.

i don't know. i think i was born crazy.

i have a way of ruining things for no apparent reason, thus the line "i am a beautiful tragedy."

danny and i have been doing so well with the whole "no fighting" situation. we're better than the past few weeks of summer. and because of that, we made plans to go out to dinner last night. i was so excited about it because we haven't had a nice night out in a while, one that doesn't end up in a fight or a heated conversation about a topic so unnecessary and stupid. or so i thought.

and gaea and i have been really good friends after that night of january we saw the blue man group in chicago. i don't consider her a best friends as i believe she doesn't consider me. but we both acknowledge that we are close enough friends that we often refer to our closeness as being "in each other's brain." i consider her, and the rest of her family, as family. and her, a younger sister. but i think i have a curse of friendships and disappointments. third time's the charm, they say. and when there was krackel, my panget soulmate, who chose her boyfriend three years her junior, and when there was tj, who i would fight for and protect from the cruel world because he is the nicest person ever and a really good friend, chose to hang out with the more popular kids in school who gave him all the attention and thought that i was trying to change him, now there's gaea, who i treated as my little sister. (wow, i just realized she's four years my junior.)

okay, as i'm getting way WAY off tangent, let me elaborate.

saturday started off fine. my sister was leaving in the afternoon, there was the asian filipino club's asian fest, and then there's my night out with danny. my sister made unclear plans with the car rental agency so they ended up having to return the car at a deadline of 11am, hours before their flight. so my mom, my sister, her boyfriend and i decided on a game plan: drive to midway, return the car, drive back home so they can unpack, drive back to midway and then that's it. but in between these plans were two mini-plans. the asianfest and my date. and as gaea failed to even inform me of the plan about the asianfest (which i felt really hurt about) i was not able to include it in my plans even though i wanted to, really badly in fact. and since danny will have a lot of free time in between his karate and our plans, he decided to stop by the asianfest and then leave when i call him.

and here comes the not-so-funny parts..

a.) danny called me asking where i was and i told him i would be home in half an hour and could he please start making his way to my house. and he goes, "okay, i'll be leaving in a minute."
-> well, just as we turned on my street, i called him SIX times and he didn't pick up the phone. i warned him that he's gonna get sucked in and he'll end up staying there longer than necesarry. and that's exactly what happened. when he called me back just was we were pulling in our driveway, he hasn't even left yet! and i, for some reason, got really pissy. i mean, in my defense, we made our plans first. and for it to be pushed back because he got sucked in and actually decided to stay made me really mad. he said he was leaving in a few minutes, and i took it to mean as 10, maybe 15, minutes. not an effin' full half hour!! and the fact that he didn't let me know he was going to stay irked me some more. and he wasn't even sorry he was late. ugh. so of course, by the time he was in his car we were arguing like crazy about that whole situation.

b.) as gaea have failed to mention to me, former club president and number one fan of the asian filipino club and not to mention supposed friend, about asianfest, i have managed not to include it in my plans for the day. she asked me to bring the photo album to the fest assuming i will be there. i told her i prolly won't make it because of my day plan which i have mentioned to her. ugh. this is way too hard. let's see..

this is what happened: text, phone, or voicemail: in not exact words
gaea: if you want a shirt, let me know, i can hook you up. just let me know what time you're coming.
me: oh a shirt cool! i definitely want one.
gaea: oh its green too! (which she definitely knows is my favorite color)
me: oh cool! i want one)
gaea: i already saved one for you and danny. (in EXACT text message words)

and then i reminded danny that before he leaves he should get my shirt that gaea promised from her. and when he did, gaea said she'll just give it to me when she sees me.
AND THEN, when danny and i were at meijer last night, she texts him saying how she forgot that she gave away my shirt to nicole.

again, in not the exact words, in text.
gaea: oh shoot, i forgot that i gave nicole the shirt i was gonna give to ja
danny: well, since you promised her a shirt and you are a person of your word, you are giving her the shirt right?
gaea: that's mean, i'm not just gonna take the shirt away from nicole. she shouwed up and ja didn't so she deserved the shirt.
danny: well, you shouldn't have promised her a shirt if that was your standard.
gaea: i didn't promise her a shirt
[insert here me showing danny the text message "i already saved you and danny one" and making him listen to gaea's voicemail telling me she's gonna hook me up with a shirt]
danny: all i know is she showed me the message that you promised you were gonna give her a shirt.
gaea: it was an honest mistake and i didn't realize it until i got home and i'm not just gonna take the shirt away from nicole when she deserved it for showing up.

this is then when danny and i were discussing about it. we both know that nicole worked from 3 to closing at the at mall. and asianfest was from 11ish til 10p. if nicole showed up before work, and left to go to work with the shirt already in her hand, then technically gaea lied to danny when danny asked for the shirt and she said she was gonna give it to me when she sees me, when in reality she didn't have a shirt to hand out.

point a.) she promised me something and a promise is a promise, especially when i give high regards to promises made by supposed friends.
point b.) i'm not irked that i don't have a shirt, well i'm kinda sad that i didn't have one, but i know nicole deserves a shirt too. it's just that she pulled a garrett on me. dangling one object to two people. and as a leader, your word is supposed to be your bond.
point c.) she always sound defensive, as if she's being attacked, and always elaborating when a simple answer would suffice.
point d.) the fact that she could not say it to my face and own up to her "honest mistake" is very fishy. does that mean she's guilty?

oh, danny and i fixed our beef.

i'm still waiting for gaea to face her broken word.

friendship is overrated.

jaja

li'm feeling love in this club.

the janis club that is.

this week has been full of adventures and misadventures. rollercoasters and trainrides. but above all, this week has been full of love and appreciation for janis devicais.

there's my boyfriend of 19 months, danny. my dude, my hotstuff, my chunky, my will, my jd, my bestfriend. well, my sister and i had an argument, actually a big blow-up, last sunday and danny was at my house. i was feeling unsettled and iffy and sad and mad but he was just there to comfort me. after dinner of chinese food (honey walnut shrimp, yum!), he and i just kinda ended up on the living room couch, not talking and just cuddling. it was just quiet and nice. oh, and we had that chinese love song music form the karaoke across the house as a background music. funny thing, we both didn't understand the words but we felt it. XD and then he just ended up giving me a massage, an unsolicited one at that. haha! in the end, we were just part of the same team again. and i felt loved, and cared for, and special. ugh, i love him.

and then there's my sister. ugh. seriously, sisterhood is crazy. just over the weekend we were ready to jump each other's throat and then this week we were shopping, and hanging out, and shopping, and trying on clothes, and laughing so hard. i guess blood is thicker than water after all. haha. i know we're always gonna fight and we're always gonna want to kill the other person and proclaim that we don't want to be associated with the other person and to tell that person to stay away but in the end, before we close our eyes to sleep at night, we're sisters.

ooh, and did i mention the shopping and all the freebies??

here's my loot bag from day one:
.. a "pre-owned" dell inspiron 2650 laptop
.. a brand new ipod classis
.. five brand new pairs of underwear from the pink line of victoria's secret
.. a biofit bra from victoria's secret
.. a brand new underwear from aerie of american eagle that she didn't want.
.. a brand new black flowy tank top from american eagle that didn't fit her right
.. an athletic wear strap for the ipod
.. a transparent hard case for the ipod
.. a new mouse for the laptop
.. a laptop messenger bag
.. a brand hew hair cut and color
.. sims 2 double deluxe with apartment living
.. a new leather case for my nintendo ds
.. oh yea, she's giving me her ds and psp
.. will and grace season 2
.. free lunches and dinners and jamba juices and sushi
.. a hibachi lunch at a japanese restaurant around the neighborhood
.. 2 pairs of jeans from aeropostale
.. a furry hoodie from aeropostale
.. two spanky shorts from aeropostale
.. a white lace cami with purplepink stripes
.. pictures at the kiosk XD
.. at least 5 tops from charlotte russe
.. two camis from charlotte russe
.. a set of 3 pairs of pearl earrings
.. a green plaid clutch purse
.. another wii controller
.. two new games for the wii
.. one nanchuck form navy pier

whew!! and i'm not even kidding. although, this is all divided between me, my sister, and matthew. i mean some of the stuff (prolly just like 5) came from my money, and the rest was my sister's. well, the wii game was matthew's. but yea.

.. and i would like to thanks the sponsors:
> best buy
> chili's
> kiku
> navy pier
> oriental arts store
> ryba's fudge
> china garden
> victoria's secret
> pink
> charlotte russe
> aeropostale
> american eagle
.. and those that i forgot to mention.. haha!!

oh well, gotta go to work in like 5 minutes!! XD

ta ta for now!

jaja

i have..

..to put away this computer or else i'll be playing sims 2 instead of concentrating on school.

ugh!!

self-control, ja.

jaja.

semi-pro chicago driver.

i just got home an hour ago from chicago. it was fun, as always! granted i was third party, but what the hizzle, right?

so here's how the fun story started..

matthew, my sister and i went to school to drop off the club shirts to gaea. for some reason, it felt weird being in school today, as if i don't belong there anymore. not in a mean way, of course. it was just as if i already graduated and i'm just there to say hi to people and stuff. and then we went to my work to pick up my paycheck and cash it in dominick's, then grabbed some white castle for lunch.

and then we started driving.

haha, funny thing is that we were going the wrong way for the longest time ever (read: driving southwest for almost 45 mins).

but then, right when we got back on track it was easy-peasy. at the very least. i drove all the way to navy pier and i was so proud of myself! i didn't even get honked at, not even once! so yay for me! and then when we get to navy pier we just looked around the kiosks and souvenir shops and stuff. we went to the fudge shop because i guess my sister likes fudge. ooh, before that we went to build a bear but it was crazy expensive. and i was like, "i wanna make a ho bear!" haha. and then we stopped by the flag store ans the game store. it was a nice day outside actually so we were also just walking around outside. we went to the fun house maze and they actually have a couple of new stuff over there. i swear, the mirror maze is always the best sans the eerie music. and then we actually went on a boat ride! and not just a boat ride, but the tall wind ship. hehe. those pirate ship thingamajiggers. i even got to help pull the sails up. it. was. totall. awesome! it would have been extra extra awesome if i had someone to cuddle with. <3. but it was awesome nevertheless. and then we went home. and i drove.

ooh, chicago. i love.

jaja

and here comes the boom.

listening to: a music video by secondhand serenade

two down, six more days to go.

okay, so my sister and i fight all the time and mom even hears about it. but yesterday has got to be the biggest blow up so far. hmm, i don't know, i think there was that time about steve, but that's another story.

and i can honestly say that it was pointless and i had nothing to do with it. well, i kinda do, but at least i don't act all diva and sunglasses about it.

the "root" of the story basically came about like two thanksgivings ago about how she made a comment over the phone about my boyfriend pressuring me to work out and stuff coz i'm getting fat, and she was in the same car with my tito boyet. so of course my uncle heard it and said how maybe danny's a bad influence on me. but did my sister defend him, her supposed friend? nope, not really. so of course i was bothered by the whole conversation and i talked to danny about it. i mean, he's a really nice guy and he's the only one who listens to me about things like these. i didn't mean to be a tattletale, and apparently for my sister, i just misunderstood and didn't know what i was doing at all. so when my sister came home, i immediately warned her that maybe she might notice danny being a little bit off or awkward around them. and she just took it to heart and apparently, she's been nothing but nice to me and danny and would say good things about us over there in the california clan. so i told her at the bowling alley two days ago that if she thinks there's nothing wrong, then don't do anything about it.

and then. and then. AND THEN.

two seconds before we pull out the driveway to go eat at joy yee's in naperville, she acts al diva like with sunglasses and the whole deal and would not even get in the same car as me and danny. and her dragging her boyfriend into this basically. which resulted to me and her being called back into the house by our mom and making us "settle our differences", which i think meant by her getting kicked out of my room and sleeping in my little sisters' room, which can i just say i highly doubt will happen coz my mom sleeps downstair in the living room just because so she can easily sneak inside her boyfriend's room.

but whatever.

so now, this is me being the bigger person. man, twice in the span of a week. the other time was with my friend, gaea, but different story.

so yea, gotta go and write my sister a letter.

jaja

half a girl more than i was before.

note to self: 3 blogs in less than 6 hours is an indication that nothing exciting is really happening to your life right now that you actually feel compelled to write about THOSE short bursts of change in your life.

so, i just got home like 45 minutes ago from spring hill mall, and chili's, and best buy, and target. and it was crazy! i've never had anyone spend that much money on me!! ever!! and not even from the clearance aisles or sale racks!! ooh la la, i feel loved right now. and grateful.

now does that make me sound superficial?
hope not.

i just feel kinda bad, okay really bad, because i'm always mean to her. and then here she is with no qualms of dropping $$ for me.. so yea. she loves me, she really loves me!!



victoria's secret:

• a $50 biofit bra (which i think is ridiculously expensive so i might end up just putting it in a display case
• 5 undies from the PINK line (sweats for $40??!!? you gotta be kidding me..)
• and a black and gray tote

best buy:

• a DLo case/protector for my new ipod. XD

target:

• a SwissGear laptop messenger bag
• a cordless mouse for the laptop

hmm.. she did say she'll get me a couple of outfits from aeropostale, and we'll go get haircuts together. iono, man. will that be pushing it? haha.

gotta go and get ready for dinner in chinatown.

jaja

credit cards DECLINED

finally, the balance of the universe has run a full circle. i've been locked in front of my laptop and my tv [mtv] and watching the overmarketed previews of sweet sixteen exiled, a "reality" tv show about 16 former brats, i mean sweet 16ers, who got shipped off to the boofoos by their parents. la dee da. africa, thailand, vanuatu, india, morroco among others. it sounds exotic if you think about it, but that's from a vacation point of view. but to be exiled? deserts, and jungles, and frozen tundras.

all i know is i hope this thing teaches these brats that there are more to life than what's outside their parents' credit cards. it makes me wonder though what made these parents decide to do these stuff..

i think it's from all those loud noises from their princes' and princesses' parties.

and if these don't work, then mtv may still get something out of it, the fresh breed celebrity aristocrats who will be future covers of tabloid magazines.

oh well.

jaja

day two

hey guys!

first off, i have decided that i wanna try and actually become a professional blogger. and by that i mean, use SENTENCES and not random blubbering phrases! maybe i can re-train myself to become a decent enough writer, like when i used to be. when i wrote cool blogs about cool topics with my cool opinions. but that doesn't mean i'll start writing in CAPS. except for that one, and the other one on the top-ish part of the page. haha.

moving on..

today is day two of my sister and her boyfriend's vacation here. so far, so good. yesterday, we went bowling to brunswick zone with danny, jason, and nikki. then we had to go home because there were people at our house waiting to see my sister. and that was it.

oh and i'm slowly pimping out my laptop. i already installed limewire, itunes, and wait for it - SIMS 2!! haha. i'm so excited. i stayed up until 3-ish in the morning playing it.

and today, i guess we're going to the mall. i have a few things i want to buy, actually.

jaja's shopping list:

• a laptop carrier, preferrably the messenger bag one. oh, and black or green. and padded.
• 2 cases for my new ipod: the transparent hard case, and one black strap for working out.
• victoria's secret undies from the pink line.
• probably a couple of outfits from aeropostale. maybe american eagle? old navy? haha.
• sweats for working out.
• adidas slides
• an itrip
• an idock
• a super-huge hard drive
• hmm, maybe a sims expansion pack

now, i know better than to get carried away, coz money's hard to come by and all. so, this doesn't have to be my list for the day. but that would be awesome. XD

i think i should get ready. oh by the way, last night, i looked at the victoria's secret website and i totally had a coronary looking at the prices. totally ridiculous to pay $50 for a pair of sweat.. or a hoodie. too bad, coz i think they are cute. [insert heartbreak here]

ta ta and see you laterz with my shopping bags!

jaja

welcome home sister!!

my sister's home!! well, she's only in town for a week long vacation with her boyfriend matthew. yay, i guess. haha. i mean, i thought he wouldn't be a cool person, i thought he'd be cocky and whatnot. i mean, he looked the part in all those pictures, but then he actually turned out okay. so, we picked the two of them up in midway. then we got their rent a car, which is a vibe. and then we got home and ate filipino food then they took a nap while i..............

haha!!

well, am just saying.

my awesome sister gave me a laptop (used) and an ipod classic (new). haha. so now i'm uploading my cds into the itunes while i'm blogging in my new laptop. haha. yay.

oh and i guess she's giving me the nintendo ds lite and psp. awesome.

i think we're off to go watch movies with jason and danny and nikki. but i don't know what they want to do. so yea, i'm just waiting.

oh and julia's bothering me. gotta go.

jaja

my 12 step promise

i, janis devicais, promise to make this semester (and the rest of the year 2008) be crazysexycool by completing the 12 steps.

1.) i promise to work out to the best of my abilities and go down to a size 3-5 by the end of this year.

2.) i promise to save my money so that i have $2,000 by the end of this year.

3.) i promise to raise my gpa to 2.3 by the end of the semester.

4.) i promise to improve my credit and save money to get a decent car by 11.12.08

5.) i promise to open myself up to more people, be more approacheable and friendlier.

6.) i promise to clean my room and organize more.

7.) i promise to cut back on bad thoughts and actions.

8.) i promise to improve my relationship with my family and friends.

9.) i promise to find the drive i lost.

10.) i promise to dream, laugh, live, and love.

11.) i promise to improve my relationship with my boyfriend, danny.

12.) i promise to try my best to become the best person that i can be.

♥ jaja ♥