One of my resolutions was to open up to the idea of meeting people with the potential to date. I can't say that I'm rusty at meeting people seeings as I've never really tried in the past. Let's just say I get borderline anxiety attacks from even the mere thought of talking to strangers. But that was then, and I'm trying to change for the NOW.
I have a situation. I don't know if it's good or bad. I just know that.. it is.
Let's start with boy number 1, Let's call him 4-N. I met recently met 4-N through a friend. I was attracted to 4-N right off the bat but I had to hold back because he was friend's ex from 8(?) years ago. I thought he is really REALLY smart, well-spoken (wait, is that even a word?), and don't even get me started with his accent. HOT DAMN.
We shall call boy number 2 Lo-cal. I met Lo-cal online. Lo-cal sounds very street smart, and his take on dating is somewhat traditional. He doesn't look too bad, and his height checks out with my standards.
Now, 4-N is not a hot commodity, which is something that has lately been catching my eye. He's low-key, he's down to earth, and from what I've learned, very insightful and traditional. I have sort of an issue against liking him because he dated my friend for at least a year.. 8something years ago. But get this, my friend told me that 4-N and I should start dating because it would be awesome, and that apparently he thinks I'm a lot of fun. I'm worried about dating a friend's ex, that's girl code right? But one of my close friends pointed out that since my friend actually promotes us going out and we "have her blessing", that it TOTALLY nullifies that specific girl code between me and her. Makes sense.
Lo-cal sounds like he'll treat a girl nice. But aside from the basic stuff that I know about him, I don't think there's much else to it. He's into cars, he doesn't smoke and he seems sweet. But when I'm talking to him, I don't feel anything. It's like he's just.. there.
Are you waiting for the cons?
Cons for 4-N: He lives almost 5000 miles away. I think I like him enough not to do anything about it because I might get disappointed.
Cons for Lo-cal: I don't feel anything when I'm talking to him. He can't spell for the life of him. The way he lives his life is not exciting enough for me.
At first, I was really trying to open up to the idea of Lo-cal but the mere fact that everytime we chat or whatever, he constantly misspells something. It bugs the hell out of me. I mean, is that superficial or what? Intelligence is a big thing for me. As much as I love talent (especially the triple threat: dance, sing, act.. in that order), I am really attracted to intelligence. I think it's sexy, it's VERY interesting, and I know that I will ALWAYS get a good conversation out of it. Should I really settle for convenience? Someone that will be there for me that's just around the corner? Figuratively speaking of course. I believe that one should always "go big, or go home" because really, what's the point of trying if you're not gonna give it your best shot right? And settling is really out of the question for me. I think that I deserve more than just settling for anything that's convenient.. that's right now.
I can't help it that I have standards.. very complicated, intricate standards. Is it my fault? Should I really lower my standards just so I can have the promise of temporary happiness? There's no guarantee it's going to last, but at least if it did, it's not gonna kill me inside in the long run knowing that I've passed by someone better because I settled. Right?
I probably hear from 4-N maybe once a week. Lo-cal says hey every morning. And recently, it's been annoying me for the fact that he not only says hey every frickin morning and tries to chat with me whenever it appears I'm online, he would always go through the motions of how's work, how was your day, what are you doing this weekend, what did you do this weekend, how was your thing with the thing that time.. blah, blah, frickin' blah. I'm like, "Uh, I think we're gonna have a problem." We're not even going out and I already feel pressured and obliged to answer your questions. Uhm, hello????
So yes, bottom line is.. I allowed myself to be turned off by Lo-cal's inability to spell and for trying to be interested in the things that I do, while I'm here waiting for 4-N to say something, do something.
Now I'm torn between my eternal self-battle of "Do I go for the one that I'm interested in, or the one that's interested in me."
Life sucks sometimes. The dating game sucks even more.
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