so, i've been thinking lately. well, more like been thinking about it for the past year something. and there's this fact that i've come across and is kinda ignoring slash denying myself of its truth: i don't think my boyfriend's family likes me.
i mean, it been 859days/28months/2years and 4months. that's a number of birthdays, christmasses, new years, mothers days, fathers days, halloweens, masses, karates, dinners, lunches, movies, etc., etc., etc. yet i don't honestly feel like i'm any closer to being a part of their family. not in the "married to your son" kind of way. but the "we like you a lot" kind of way. how many times have i shared awkward hugs and smiles and greetings with danny's family? countless of times. how many times have i dreaded seeing them at church or their house or danny's play? quite a handful, i must say. and that's not just his mom, dad, and sister. it's his relatives as well. hey, at least i'm "kind of" friends with his cousins. -gah-
and the funny thing? i think danny's family as cool as hell. i have super high respect to his cousins and relatives. i think his mom is the bomb because she's cool, understanding, and just plain awesome. i think his dad's funny as hell and reminds me of an uncle of some sort, also because he talks to me in filipino. i used to think of the world of christine too. i mean seriously, his mom invited me to celebrate christmas one time at their house coz my family wasn't celebrating that year (but then again, that was a couple of weeks before we started dating). his sister even said i was her hero coz she thought i was cool. heck, she even pulled a "i'm gonna show you something but don't tell my brother" thing which danny almost got mad at me for.
the even funnier part? whenever i'm in their relatives' house, i have this strange feeling where they want to talk about me but too bad they can't coz i can understand both english AND filipino. that only leaves them with ilocano, but then again, that's a close call they shouldn't risk.
i thought that his family liked me. apparently, i believe they just don't have anything bad to say. which, i understand, are two different things.
of course, they're gonna be protective of him. he's the youngest boy in the family (cousins and all), he's a good kid, he loves his family, and he's the favorite. the only person they've ever approved for him? this girl kendra. who's kendra? she was danny's dream girl in highschool. they dated for a couple of months and she pretty much dumped him. but why did/do they liked/like her? coz she goes to church, and obviously that includes of them being the same religion.
and then, there was this one other girl rachel, that they wanted him to go out with, since i think it's pretty convenient that she's already best friends with his cousins and all. but it never happened coz of -- baggage issues?
the really sucky "stab the heart, twist, pull, and repeat" part of it? danny's mom thinks that i love/need his son more than his son does for me. ouch.
all i can say is that i have been nothing but nice to them. it hurts to think that i love his family and that i imagined myself part of their family (like i said not the "married to your son" way but the "adopted daughter" kind of way). i still wish about that from time to time, hoping that they'll change their mind about me. accept me, and trust me. and not see me as "that girl who wants to take their beloved son/nephew/brother/cousin away from them."
the really, really, REALLY sucky part? since my family's moving to california, i was really, really, REALLY wishing to be closer to them, so that i can still have a family.
and of course, who's gonna want to marry a girl that the family disapproves right?
i really wish, they'd like me more but -
i can only try for so long. i don't want to insist myself upon people who already made up their mind about me.
jaja
maybe when pigs fly?
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