screw up

i haven't blogged in FOREVER.

for a lot of different reasons.

i've been busy with school stuff. i've been busy with personal stuff. i've been busy trying to fix my life. i've been busy coping with being fired from my job. and i've been busy dealing with the BIGGEST screw up i could have ever done with and in my life. no, i'm no accidental preggo. nope nope.

it's way bigger than that. way, WAY bigger. and the only people who know are my sister, my mom, and my boyfriend.

and he has been the biggest, nicest, best thing that has ever happened to me. without him, i don't know how i'd be dealing with this right now. right now i can't talk about this big screw up that happened. not until it's finally over. OVER.

all i know is right now, i'm thankful for every meal, every laughter, every smile, every little thing that comes my way. and right now, i'm working uber hard to go back to GOD, because honestly, i need Him more than ever. or else i'd go crazy.

and special kudos to my boyfriend slash bestfriend for being here for me though all this mess i'm in right now. if not for him, i'd seriously go insane trying to cope and deal and whatnot. he's so awesome at being my protector that even when he's not doing anything, just sitting next to me, i already know i'm safe. i don't know what else to tell him. or how ever way to show my appreciation. he seriously is, and i believe so, my guardian angel. and i even told him a few days ago.. "is it even right to date your guardian angel?"

i love him, and i love how he's here for me despite his busy schedule and whatnot. he's here for me. and i promise myself that when this thing blows over, it's going to be all about him.