Irony

Wanna know something really ironic? For days and days, i had put off writing my 100th blog because I wanted to save it for something special. Something that's worth celebrating the turn of the century (so to speak). So when I found the perfect thing to write about, I'm like "Go, go, go!" Hence, I wrote about my indefatigable patience and unconditional love for my dude and his stress with nursing school. I wrote about my promise to be a better, more loving, more understanding, and definitely more patient and supportive girlfriend. I wrote about how I would miss our sweetnothingness and whatnot, and yet every minute I will have will him will be amazing. Because I love him, and that's all there is to it.

Oh, the irony of life, I tell you.

How ironic is it that the next blog I'm writing is about my broken heart, as he had broken up with me. It's been three weeks since it happened, and while others tell me to move on and get over it, I can't. You can't have loved a person and had a hard time getting over and then tell another person suffering the same fate to just let it go. Everyone deserves the right to wallow, to bask in the pain, to drown in their sorrow. Everyone's bound to come up for air sometime, right?

I'm slowly coming up for air, but I can't promise I won't sink again. But right now, I've come to be at peace with myself. And be at peace with him. We have an understanding that in time, we will be friends. And I'm counting on that day. Because even though I know I will always love him, I know that I will always want to be his bestfriend more than anything.

Some people try to get in the way. All this time, just waiting in the shadows, lurking. Waiting for the right time to pounce. What a shame. Where's the dignity, people?

Danny and I had a story. I was a girl inside the house, and he was the boy on the ledge. And there were three vandals who are trying to ruin my fence.. or ledge. Whatever. That's how our story started. Funny how, this might be how it's going to end.

Opportunists. I have always believed in the goodness of man. People are not born evil. But I guess, along the way some things happen and they become bad. Is experience an excuse to go bad? I have issues, I have baggage. And I am damaged good. "Dark and Twisty", like Meredith in Grey's Anatomy, who doesn't think she deserves the good things in life, that misery is company. Yes, I am damaged good. But I never aspired for perfection. Try as I may to get as close as possible, I know I will never be. At least I tried. And I am the biggest pushover, ever. I let people get the best of me. I trust, I let them in. I play by the rules. But it seems that I am the only one who follows the rules. I guess, I am the posterchild for "Good girls finish last." I can't help it. I am a traditionalist when it comes to relationships. I may not be the most religious in the lot, but I am born and raised Catholic in a traditional and conservative Filipino culture. I believe in love, in unconditional love. I believe in trust, and doing good things. I don't believe in "All's fair in love and war." I don't believe in "Free for all unless you're already married." I don't believe in kissing or doing IT outside the umbrellas of relationships. I think that kissing and holding hands in itself is sacred. I don't believe in flirting. I believe in love. In it's purest and most powerful essence. And yet opportunists are everywhere and they take advantage of my goodness.

I love my Danny. Forever. I pray that time is on my side. I will wait. I will love unconditionally. And I will do all these without having to step on people's toes. I will do all these without being deceitful, dishonest, treacherous, vengeful. I will give him my love in it's purest and most powerful essence. Because I love him.

JD.DE.011207.