i am.

i am.

i'm tired of having to defend myself and having to protect myself. i'm tired of giving people the benefit of the doubt and end up screwing me over for their own personal gain and benefit. i'm tired.

i'm tired of being a pushover. and giving my trust to people who don't need it. and letting people in without questioning their motives. if i need to, the wall is coming back up. it's the only way to protect the rest of my broken self. if i'm going to rebuild myself, i'm going to need sturdier nails, stronger foundations, more reliable helpers. none of this artificial and superficial shiznits.

i'm going back to the beginning. back before i became damaged. back when i can stand on my own two feet, back when my stubbornness was my drive for success, back when i didn't give a feck to what other people think, and back when i saw my future and anyone who crosses me and me dreams get crossed a thousand times.

i'm going back to the stronger, and better jaja.
likable.
untouchable.
intimidating.
individual.
independent.
crazysexycool.

and i hope my old happy song helps me remember what i've lost.



"Unwritten"

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, yeah, yeah