Bored

This boredom is killing me. I guess now I know. One month is all I need for slacking (or a vacation?). Now I'm getting really restless and irritable. I want to make money. I want to go out and make conversations with people in my generation. I want to get out of this house because it's starting to drive me crazy. I can only clean and blog and read and watch TV for so long. Life is walking past me. Everyone is getting ahead and I'm stuck. And yes, I want to make money. Because the sooner I can do that, then the sooner I can get my own car and my own place. I need to get out of here already. Yes, one month.

Oh Hello Good Dream

So I'm kind of in a good mood this morning, because I just had a really wonderful dream. And I will not stop reiterating it. I actually feel giddy, haha. I'd share what my dream was, but I know it'll sound just ridiculous to everybody else. Let's just say it was -of course- about tF.

Anyway, long story short, I had an awesome dream and that's it. Good Frickin' Morning. \^o^/

****

In other news, the last week at work have been REALLY stressful. The only way to describe it is that I'm in job position limbo. I'm already doing the work of my "new job" but I just can't quite leave my old position behind. Since none of the new girls can work in the morning, I have to do my new job in my old desk so I can do BOTH jobs. The work load of the new job is not what stresses me out, I like it actually.

It's just that, I honestly believe that I think I have undiagnosed ADD.. well maybe. When I do my new job, I have to focus really hard and tune everybody out so I don't mess up. There's a lot of numbers and paperworks and all that stuff I have to take care of. BUT, when I'm still working the old job, I have to stop every five minutes (sometimes not even) so I can answer the phone, transfer the call, page someone, take care of a customer, blah blah blah. And when that happens, I have to refocus to continue what I was previously doing. AAAAND I really have a hard time refocusing. I'm always like, "Where was I?", "What was I doing again?", "Wait, I lost my place."

I gotta say, I've gotten really good with crying on the inside. You know, like, you cry coz you're frustrated but you literally show no tears. But apparently, I shouldn't complain because this is what I've wanted. Yes. But No. I don't want to hate my job, and the people I work with because I ACTUALLY love my job and the people I work with. And that's saying something, because most of the time, you get either or. Not both. And I've had a bajillion jobs so I know for a fact that I really do want to stay in this company.

 ****

In other OTHER news, I went to a wedding over the weekend. It was soooo pretty!! It was a small wedding, just family and friends. But really, who am I to say it's a small wedding. As far as weddings go, I've only been to two, and the first one I was a bridesmaid in a wedding party of 21 (pshyea no joke, and no that doesn't include the godparents and such), and there were 250 guests.

Anyway, after seeing my friend's wedding, I've decided it's not the amount of people or the lavishness of the ceremony/reception that makes a beautiful wedding. It's the spirit of it. The essence, the execution, the people. Anyway, my friend's wedding, like I said was beautiful. The groom and his men were wearing white tuxes, the Tiffany blue really popped out against the white and silver, the music they played during cocktail hour was classy and elegant, and the couple's first dance was just frickin' lovely and adorable. Oh and the Dj was hella funny too, BUT he has to go back to DJ-ing school because the way he mixed songs was ATROCIOUS. Of course, I held my composure as they were doing the Father-Daughter dance, touchy subject for me that's why.

Oh, did I mention the open bar? Haha.

photocredit: KaterinaBeth

****

Tuesday came and went. But Prime Factor and I didn't hang out. So we just took a raincheck to do lunch and hang out since there was no time coz he had a deal coming in after he gets out of work so he had to stay around. Instead, he texted me and told me he'll come visit me for a couple of hours at work. Unfortunately for me, I can only do 30 minutes of those two hours coz I'm not really allowed to leave my desk for ANY social hour.

Then I went out to dinner with MommyDee and PFN (acronym meaning withheld as it's just between Prime Factor and me (I?) ). After a free dinner, courtesy of the wonderful MommyDee, we checked out t he new Walmart and got dropped off home.

Prime Factor and I had another Application Trial Session. Last time, we did Skype, Tango, and Qik Chat, We compared notes and which was the best. We couldn't work the camera on Skype, we couldn't work Qik Chat AT ALL, and Tango had good voice quality but the camera would freeze here and there. Last night we tried TikL, which is like the smartphone app version of Nextel's PTT (push to talk, yo), or your average walkie talkie. It was a fun way to communicate, as long as you remember to hold the phone at least 3 inches away from your pie-hole. And it's not for an actual serious heart to heart conversation. It's pretty much like twitter, but with voice.

****

And I guess that's that for now. Sorry for the long blog entry, but did I mention I had a really awesome dream? Haha. That's probably why I got so motivated to recap the last week of my life. 

That's it for now, I gotta get ready for work. :)

Monday!!

It's the last week of September. Then it's October, November, then December. Before you know it, I'm 27. Time is flying by so fast, taking a deep breath isn't even helping. Why am I growing up so fast! While adulthood has its perks, it kinda sucks a great deal.

I have to train new girls at work. After that, I can finally get my full-time status. With benefits. I can finally have my teeth fixed.. and yes, braces included.

I may start that second job soon. That means goodbye to my so-called social life. But these are things I have to do now, so that I can have a better life later.

I have something going on all weekends of October. A double sweet sixteen, a random photoshoot with friends, a bachelorette party, a birthday, a wedding. That doesn't include the spur of the moment phone calls I will mostt likely get to go out or hang out. On top of that, training and babysitting the new girls at work, full time hours in one job, and potential part time hours in a second job. On top of that my, my responsibilities. Bills, utilities, groceries, rent, car maintenance, laundry, working out, etc., etc., etc. I already got stressed just thinking about all that stuff.

I'm moving storages so my room is a mess! I look like I should be in an episode of Hoarders. I literally only have one side of my bed. I have one straight line from the door to my bed. That reminds me, I have to rent a cargo truck.

For the next year, I wanna get a brand spankin' new car. I'm going to Vegas for a friend's birthday. I'm going to Cali for my family birthday party. I'm going to the Philippines for my ten-year highschool reunion. Speaking of which, I really really hope someone is planning it, because I miss my highschool friends.. and I miss the highschool me. The highschool me wanted to be a supermodel.

My ongoing joke with my friends is that my wedding date is 12.12.12, since it's my favorite number. Haha. Let's all find me a boy first, right?

By the way, a little confession: I am surrounded by family and friends getting engaged, getting married, having kids, and I can't help but be jealous a bit. In the past years, getting married and starting a family was something I thought about, but nothing concrete. Like a fairytale. But since my friend got married last year, and since it was the first wedding I've ever attended and I was even the bridesmaid, it's been a constant thought for me. I'm not talking about "Ooh, when I get married I want this, blah blah blah." Let's just say, I know where I wanna get married, where the reception is going to be, colors, theme, music, check, check, check. And to kid around with my friends, I tell them that all the guy has to do is show up and sign all the checks and papers.. and not to worry because I've already named our future kids.

Maybe I want it too much. Maybe I want someone to love and love me in return so bad that I have a nagging feeling at the back of my mind that it's never gonna happen. I don't wanna get married when I'm 35. Well, sure, they said that 30 is the new 20 and that's when we can fully live our lives as adults. When I find that guy for me, I don't want to be a stepmom to teenagers (baby mama drama is so tacky), nor do I want to be someone's second (maybe even third!) wife. I want to get married only once.

But at the rate that I'm going and sounding right now. No man's gonna want to date me since I have marriage on the mind. Isn't that a big no-no to eligible bachelors nowadays?

Life is a vicious cycle and I don't know where to get off.

Bring It On, Life.

The last couple of weeks have been really packed with life and lessons for me. I don't even know where to start. Let me try..

• My car had died in the middle of the road late one night and I was trying to figure out what to do when two dudes pulled over to the side and offered to help me. My first thought was, "Holy crap, this is a Law and Order SVU waiting to happen!! Run!!". But after a couple of minutes, something just came over me and my mind pretty much just went "I will leave it all up to God. Whatever happens, happens." Afther they've helped me push my car to an empty parking lot, they left while i waited for my roommates to rescue me. I felt guilty I judged those two guys. With their towering heights, bulky built, baggy clothes and raggedy car, I couldn't help but get scared. I mean, I've seen ALL SVU episodes to know that the world is a cruel, cruel world.
• In a span of less than 24 hours, I have managed to slice my finger (with a knife) and my heel (with a broken glass). Mind you, both cuts were I'd say 3cms long and 3/4 of a cm deep. Just saying.
• I got a job interview and they actually offered me the job so yay for me!
• A friend passed away and I attended his service a week after. I was shocked to the point that I refused to accept how it happened, why it happened. But things happened throughout the week that made it easier for me. I think Matt helped.
• During the funeral service, I've seen people I haven't seen in such a long time. Some I've become estranged to, some I've missed more than others. Altogether, I've convinced myself that I should, in one way or another, try annd fix (and maintain) these relationships because you never know when it's gonna be too late. It may be a cliche, but it's true.
• We are hiring two positions at work and I'm going to be training them!! I feel that seniority coming in, and I'm kinda excited. Of course, all advancements have responsibilities attached to them. I'm kinda nervous because I'm just not good with failure. But bottomline is, I'm already 26 years old, and even though people say I'm still young and there's still time, I have no time to redo my life. I can't go back to the beginning. Onward-bound ho!
• I've noticed that I'm starting to become more comfortable about myself. My personality, my body, my strengths and weaknesses. Even this whole single status thing doesn't bother me as much anymore. Something came over me and I don't know what, but I'm very thankful for it.

I think that is it for now. I'm about to run errands and maybe I'll think of something else to write about. Peace out!

:: Update ::

It's been two and a half weeks since I got my new old car. Everything is still the same except for the fact that I don't have to ask people for rides anymore. Let's see...

• My adopted little sister Maria celebrated her 21st birthday party and I told her I'd take her out. We went to Drink Nightclub in Schaumburg. Basically, it was the weirdest night ever. I couldn't find her and when I did, she was standing in one corner and crying on her boyfriend's shoulder, but she wouldn't tell me what's wrong. When we finally managed to make it to the dance floor, she and her boyfriend looked like their teeth were getting pulled. They looked in pain while in that dance floor. I get it, it's different from where they usually go dancing to, but I offered countless times that if they wanted to leave and go someplace else, we can leave anytime. I sorta felt bad, even though I didn't know what all that crying was about. But I rationalized that since she chose not to tell me what's wrong, I shouldn't have to babysit her feelings at all right? I wished the night couldn't gone differently, I wished Maria had a blast hanging out with me on her 21st.... but what can I do?
• I worked full time hours for a couple of weeks and it may sound weird but it was a frickin' blast!! I mean, it's work, right? But it surely beats hanging around the apartment, with nothing to do, and sometimes feeling awkward around your roommates.
• Speaking of roommates, my friend N, has been toying with the idea of moving out and getting an apartment, most probably sharing it with me. When he told me that, I got excited, because I get days when I really could not stand being in the apartment anymore. For practically the same amount that I pay now, I'd only be living with one person. The first two times I've lived on my own, I've never had roommates, I still prefer not having roommates. Too close for comfort, and familiarity breeds contempt. But I guess one roommate is waaaaay better than three adults, two kids. Haha, forrealz. Sometimes, when everyone's home,I feel left out, because I know I'm different from them. I don't know I can't explain it.
• For the past month, I've been going out every weekend with my partner-in-crime, N. It's soooo frickin' awesome!! And we go to places that we don't have to spend a lot of money. Haha. I mean, we're dancers more than we are drinkers so there's that. Plus the fact that it's really expensive to be a drinker when you go party in the city. I told him, "I've gone out with you more this last six months than I've had a date in two years (zero), that we're like Will and Grace.... a sexless marriage." Haha, well, N's gay so yeah.
• Lesson learned: I have a friend who contacted me and asked if he can borrow money from me because he's short. Without even questioning where it's going to, I lent him money and just told him he needs to pay me back a certain day so I can make my car payment. Now, I don't have a lot of money to spare. In fact, I have nothing. But in the last couple of years, I've been helped by the most amazing friends one can ever find, why not pay it forward right? Well, when the time he was supposed to pay me back, he asked for an extension so I had to shuffle money around so I can make my car payment. I told him I REAAAAALLLLY need that money by Monday because we gotta pay rent and I'll be short exactly that amount that he borrowed from me. He said he'll bring it at 11. He called half an hour before 11 to tell me he'll be there before 1230, before I leave for work. He didn't show up until I have to go for work, and I was already running late so I didn't turn in the rent until the next day and I had to suffer the $50 late fee!! This is the second time. The last time he borrowed money from me was when we were in school. And he couldn't pay me back, after I told him I need the money to buy books, so he offered to get me those books and it'll just be charged to his financial aid account. What can I do? This second time, he even had to write me a check out of his parents' checkbook for the money he owed me because he didn't have enough money to pay me back. I'm not trying to be mean, because obviously, I'm not where I'm supposed to be right now if not for the people who have helped me, and they've helped a lot more. It's just that I did try to help, but I can only help oh so much because of my resources, and this happens. Don't get me wrong, I still love the kid, I just probably stick to the money and friends mantra: Never put money between friendship unless you don't mind getting that money back.
• My friend from the Philippines who's temporarily living/working in Wisconsin is gonna come and visit me in two weekends!! I'm excited, haha! He's gonne come over Friday and leave Sunday, so I kinda made a tentative weekend plan of things to do in Chicago. I only hope we don't spend a lot of money. Hahaha!
• And on a really happy note, In three weeks, I've managed to lose and keep off 8lbs WOOHOO!!!! I'm not sure if that's a good or bad average, but I'm still glad. Being penniless has it's advantages haha!!

Day Nine & Ten: Back To Normal.

Seems that summer is flying by so fast, I'm starting to think that past few months have all been just a dream. Today's Monday and yet I felt like I didn't even experience the weekend.

Yesterday, Sunday, I felt like my whole day was thrown off. I took a nap three times with the feeling like I was jet-lagged. Pssh. Yeah right, from South Elgin to Elgin to East Dundee to McHenry to Elgin?

Last night, a friend's band played in Just For Fun Roller Rink in McHenry (read: Shy Town Kill). And then, afterparty at their house which was ultra-fun. We played this one version of memory/charades game. We won, woo hoo!

And then today, I worked from 8a until 2p. It was fn, I'm getting the hang of it. I even did a few transactions and quick receipts and all that stuff, all by myself. Haha. Hopefully, I didn't mess up.

And now I'm just chilling. I wanna take a nap. Maybe after this blog. Can you tell I kinda don't feel like blogging today? The whole weekend threw me off the loop. And.. I'm playing dress-up dolls online. Haha. (read: my guilty pleasure.)

Anyhoo, my dude made me really, really happy today I teared up a little, and I couldn't wipe the stupid smile off my face for a very long time. I'll tell you tomorrow. Dress-up awaits.

Jaja

Day Eight: With My Feet Up and My Hair Down.

Life is back to normal again. Or maybe I shouldn't say normal, I should say improving. Danny and I are okay again, we're still together, and I thank God for that. Yesterday, we met in the EVC parking lot and talked it out and sorted out all our differences. Conclusion: Maturity. Not that we lacked it or anything, it was more like, we've decided we're both ready to move on the the next phase of our life, and we're doing it together. Because while we've had our shares of childish-fun-and-carelessness-slash-throw-caution-to-the-wind kind of life, we're ready to move now. We're growing up together. And while the whole "growing old together" phrase means getting married and whatnot (fyi, we both have not tackled that part of our lives yet), I told him, "How can we grow old together when we can't even grow up together?" And now, we're working it out.

At first, we were laying down the rules for this whole maturity thing, but in the end, our compromise was that, we just need to see the bigger picture and we'll just learn the ropes together. And now we're both happier than ever, and thankfully enough, happier together.

And the job thing is going along just fine too. I get 20 hours this coming week, and I start the receptionist job next Monday. And I will hear from Fedex next Monday too. I pray and pray and pray that I get the Fedex job because a.) it's full time, meaning there's awesome benefits, and b.) with a solid background and solid pay, it sounds like a solid job. And while I know that's three jobs (with a total of 56 hours a week) on top of school come fall semester, I know I need to do this. I should do this. And I can do this. I can't sleep on Maria's bedroom floor forever. And this is my fresh start. All this I thank the Lord because when I didn't fully listen to my grandparents, I was always told to go to church and pray and never forget to call on God. And I'm just starting over again. I'm slowly finding my way back. And now He's making everything possible for me again. Not that I ever questioned, or doubted. I just forgot. And I'm that person that needed to be reminded.

That is why I am here inside the Gail Borden Library facing the Fox River with my feet up and blogging and reading Twilight. Life is beautiful again, and I have God and my family and friends to thank for.

Jaja

Update: Day Seven.

This just in.

• I asked him to meet me in VPAC today at 11a and he never showed up. I'm hurt, I'm deeply hurt. I there is such a thing as "more broken" then I'm definitely that. I've been trying to reach him but efforts are futile. Did I mention I miss him?
• I went to my Fedex second interview and it was fine. It wasn't outstanding, just fine. Unlike my first interview, which I thought I did well, this one was just fine. But I hope and pray that I get it because it's full-time. Yay!
• It has been raining pretty much since 10am. I figured the weather was joining me in my sadness. Honestly, it felt like I have no more tears to cry. Maybe that's why it rained. But I look outside and it's not raining anymore. Hope, maybe?
• I decided to continue reading Twilight before I went back to Maria's house. Where? Awesomest place ever. I seriously am starting to fall in love with Lords Park here in Elgin. I parked my car and facing the lake and just sat there while I read Twilight. Hey, that made my day bearable, at least.
• Now I'm back here in Maria's house. Patiently waiting.

I need a distraction from that phone. I need to stop calling. I'm broken.

Jaja

Day Seven: Day Off.

Haha! I have not had that kind of day since, I don't know, six months ago I guess. And I am not scheduled today. And better yet, It's payday! Well, granted it's payday every Friday but, oh well. Only I have to double-check if I'm already part of the payroll. Otherwise, I'm stuck until next Friday. Oh, that reminds me, I have to see when I'm scheduled next week.

And then, and then, and then. I have my second interview with Fedex today at 1p! Yay, yay, yay! Please pray for me and wish me luck okay? I'll update later tonight. I guess.

On a more sour note, it's been 38something hours since our spat and I still haven't heard from him. I've been calling and texting and just short of stalking him out, but of course I didn't, because I want to konw if he's okay. My mind's a halohalo of "what's going ons" and what's wrongs" and "are we still okays" and everything else in between. It's a win-lose situation I have going right here. I got a job, a family who has put a roof above my head, and a possible second job. But I might be losing the one most important person in my life. I pray as hard as I can and I wish with all my heart that that's not true. I'd like a winning streak please.

I admit, I have been selfish in some of my ways, and I would like to ask a second chance. I may not deserve it but I would like to prove that I can get over myself and become a more mature person. The one person who has taught me to be mature and kindhearted and unselfish is once again teaching me to be so. I hope that God grants him the patience that has faltered when it came to dealing with me. I feel that the person that I love is slowly slipping through my fingertips and I can barely hold on as he might be trying to let go. My heart breaks with just the thought of it happening so. I believe, and had always believed, that we have grown together as individuals and as a couple. I wish it doesn't stop now. I love him, and it breaks my heart to remember that the last memory I have of him was a stoic face, a cold kiss, and a healfhearted hug. I love him, and always have. I will not stop now. I will not give up now.

Jaja

This Just In.

I got a callback for a second interview, yay! Yesterday, in the midst of fighting and tears and whatnot, some random number called and left a message. And when I retrieved my voicemail a couple of hours later, it was someone from Fedex calling to let me know that I should call back to schedule a second interview with Fedex! Yay, yay, yay!! I can't wait. I'll let you guys know what happens tomorrow night or something.

Jaja

Day Four: Newbie.

Today was my first day at work! "Thank you for calling Feeny Chrysler-Jeep-Dodge. How may I direct your call?" Yep, that was me! I have to admit it was kinda weird being back on the workforce, but I know I'll have to get used to it. It was kind of scary and overwhelming at first because I have to use the overhead and page people, meaning I have to be able to speak loud and clear so that people can hear me on both lots.

And I came home and there was awesome food! It was tostadas with refried beans, meat, salsa, sour cream, lettuce, and cheese. Oh, and I had it with soy meat too! Plus, I ate two so I'm stuffed like hizzle for the rest of the day. But now Maria's in the kitchen making them again and now I'm tempted to eat again, but with real meat this time.

I took a picture too! Coming up soon!

Jaja

Day Three: One More Chance.

I have a job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. For those of you who have been anticipating my return in the job industry for the last 6 months, I finally landed a job!

Special thanks to Karrrla who recommended me to her employer. I now have a source of income and no more will I be a burden to the people around me! Well, it's a part time job, but still.

Well, actually let me pull my excitement backa little.

My first special thanks goes to Nikki for recommending me a receptionist job at her dad's construction/cement factory company. But that job doesn't really start until the 17th. But I'm still really grateful.

My second special thanks goes to Karrrla, because of well, I already mentioned it above.

And my third special thanks are for the people closest to me who support me and back me up and help me in my times of need: my boyfriend Danny, my friend Maria, my mom, my uncle, grandparents, and my sister Punky. You guys rock!

Now to set my alarm and plan what to wear. Wish me luck guys!

Jaja

Jobmonger.

Fedex. UPS. US Postal Service. Walnut Speak Easy. Kohl’s. TJ Maxx. Victoria’s Secret. Abercrombie. PacSun. New York and Company. Deb. Kid Access. JC Penny. Michael’s. Joann Fabrics. Hobby Lobby. Yankee Candle. Froots. Steak N Shake. Target. Walmart. Meijer. Home Goods. Sam’s Club. JJR Distributing. OfficeMax. Provena St. Joseph’s . Lexington. Alexian Brothers. St. Alexius. Friendship Village. House of Brides. Toys R Us. Babies R Us. Ulta. Kinder Care. Menard’s. Picture People. Olan Mills. Eda Liquor. Woodhouse Day Spa. Plato’s Closet. Feeny. Chiropractic offices. Medical offices. Dental offices. Warehouses.
You name it, my resume went out there. And these are just “some” of the places I applied to this summer alone. Craigslist, Yahoo Jobs, Career Builder, Monster. I was a regular in all those sites. I can probably teach you a thing or two on how to write your resume, how to fix it, how to conduct yourself in an interview, what to say, what to do, what to wear.
And yet, I am still jobless.
Can anybody tell me why?

Jaja