Chicago

I miss Chicago.

First off, I'm saying Chicago instead of Illinois because Apparently, to the rest of the world (or the US at least), nothing exists outside of Chicago (or Springfield). So everytime, I say I'm from Illinois, people ask "Where, Chicago?" and I got tired of explaining so I just say yes.

Anyway, I miss Chicago.

I miss good cheap coffee from Dunkin Donuts.
I miss the convenience of Popeye's from down the street.
I miss having people to go out dancing with.
I miss the big beautiful city that is, aherm, Chicago.
I miss Portillo's.
I miss my job, and my super-awesome co-workers.
I miss my shoes. And my dresses. And my books. And my sewing machine. And my printer.
I miss my roommates. Our loud conversations, our stupid jokes, our meals together.
I miss my friends. Our ability to be stupid together, and be awesome together. Our inside jokes, our experiences, our stories, our intertwined lives.
I miss my adopted family. Everyone that has treated me as part of their family.
I miss Chicago.

I'm happy to be with my sisters and my mom and the rest of my family and relatives. Is sunshine good for the soul? Because in the past month (ish) that I've been here, I haven't felt sad or miserable. Well, there was that one time that my sister said something mean and it made me cry, I just didn't tell her. But other than that, I have sisters who manage to make me smile. The way they knock on my door and ask for help, or they just barge in and rummage through my closet. Or when they run straight to my room when they come home from school and they tell me what happened during the day. I love it.

I love being part of a team here. But I also love how I tried (and struggled) to live on my own there. I miss my friends so much. But I'm also happy here, right now. I wish I can have both worlds with me. But for now, I'm just mowing forward in this journey.

Almost A Month....

It's been almost a month since I last blogged here. WAAAAY too many things have happened. This is what happened when I procrastinate blogging. All my thoughts, adventures, rants, musings, etc get all jumbled up in my head that instead of sorting it out, I just ignore it.

• I've hung out with old ECC friends and I missed them badly.
• I've celebrated my birthday a week early with one of my really close friends and I got to meet his boyfriend and I was so flattered coz he's never introduced anybody before.
• One of my good friends came home for her spring break and she helped me pack my stuff and it was such a big help, I appreciated it so much.
• I hung out one on one with a lot of people, and it's making me miss them all so much right now.
• I had one of my close friends get mad at me, to the point where I thought we were on our way to bestfriendship but I did a really shitty thing so now I'm not sure I can have what we had back.
• My adopted family threw a party for me before I left. My heart swelled with so much love for them, I had tears. Seriously.
• My last day at work was bittersweet. I, without a doubt, loved working there. 100% no bullshit. It was a relief to leave just because I feel like I deserved a vacation from my normal life. But I loved everyone there and I actually miss them.
• I miss tF. I didn't say goodbye to him and I'm so dumb. I wish I treated him more like a friend than my boss. It would've been nice to have been friends with him. -gah- I miss him.
• I spent the day in Chicago with a couple of friends and it was the most fun ever. I took tons of photos, explored parts of the city I've never seen (or only saw from afar or for a couple of minutes). I love the city and I can't wait to see it again.
• My friends and I finally got to go on our much awaited mini roadtrip to Springfield. I am such a museum nerd, it's not even funny. That was my third time going to the Abraham Lincoln Presidential Museum but it's always fun. And I got to see the Lincoln home this time too.
• My roommate/close friend KC and I had a crying session the day I left. It was the first time we've ever done that. Thinking about it makes me cry all the time. She was the only one who showed me emotions like that. Darn, I'm crying again.
• ....and then of course I left Chicago. 
• ....and I'm in LA!!!!
• The plane ride was bumpy and space was cramped. But that's Spirit Airlines for you.
• Then I got to see my mom and my four younger sisters and it made my heart happy ever since. I mean granted, they do annoy me here and there but that's me being the oldest sister of a 24, 13, 8, and 4 y/o.
• For my birthday weekend, my mom, stepdad, and 2 youngest sisters drove 8+ hours to the northern part of Cali so I can see my 24 y/o sister who's in the USAF and my relatives living in the Bay area.
• Today marks the two weeks I've been here in CA. I've taken tons of pictures, of course. Nothing big happens though since I have no car and job yet. We'd visit places here and there, we did go to Newport Beach over the weekend and that made me so happy I was practically exploding out of my skin, So I've been spending most of my time tagging my photos and blogging. I feel like I am on vacation though. Now, if I can just haul ass and start working out.

:: Update ::

It's been two and a half weeks since I got my new old car. Everything is still the same except for the fact that I don't have to ask people for rides anymore. Let's see...

• My adopted little sister Maria celebrated her 21st birthday party and I told her I'd take her out. We went to Drink Nightclub in Schaumburg. Basically, it was the weirdest night ever. I couldn't find her and when I did, she was standing in one corner and crying on her boyfriend's shoulder, but she wouldn't tell me what's wrong. When we finally managed to make it to the dance floor, she and her boyfriend looked like their teeth were getting pulled. They looked in pain while in that dance floor. I get it, it's different from where they usually go dancing to, but I offered countless times that if they wanted to leave and go someplace else, we can leave anytime. I sorta felt bad, even though I didn't know what all that crying was about. But I rationalized that since she chose not to tell me what's wrong, I shouldn't have to babysit her feelings at all right? I wished the night couldn't gone differently, I wished Maria had a blast hanging out with me on her 21st.... but what can I do?
• I worked full time hours for a couple of weeks and it may sound weird but it was a frickin' blast!! I mean, it's work, right? But it surely beats hanging around the apartment, with nothing to do, and sometimes feeling awkward around your roommates.
• Speaking of roommates, my friend N, has been toying with the idea of moving out and getting an apartment, most probably sharing it with me. When he told me that, I got excited, because I get days when I really could not stand being in the apartment anymore. For practically the same amount that I pay now, I'd only be living with one person. The first two times I've lived on my own, I've never had roommates, I still prefer not having roommates. Too close for comfort, and familiarity breeds contempt. But I guess one roommate is waaaaay better than three adults, two kids. Haha, forrealz. Sometimes, when everyone's home,I feel left out, because I know I'm different from them. I don't know I can't explain it.
• For the past month, I've been going out every weekend with my partner-in-crime, N. It's soooo frickin' awesome!! And we go to places that we don't have to spend a lot of money. Haha. I mean, we're dancers more than we are drinkers so there's that. Plus the fact that it's really expensive to be a drinker when you go party in the city. I told him, "I've gone out with you more this last six months than I've had a date in two years (zero), that we're like Will and Grace.... a sexless marriage." Haha, well, N's gay so yeah.
• Lesson learned: I have a friend who contacted me and asked if he can borrow money from me because he's short. Without even questioning where it's going to, I lent him money and just told him he needs to pay me back a certain day so I can make my car payment. Now, I don't have a lot of money to spare. In fact, I have nothing. But in the last couple of years, I've been helped by the most amazing friends one can ever find, why not pay it forward right? Well, when the time he was supposed to pay me back, he asked for an extension so I had to shuffle money around so I can make my car payment. I told him I REAAAAALLLLY need that money by Monday because we gotta pay rent and I'll be short exactly that amount that he borrowed from me. He said he'll bring it at 11. He called half an hour before 11 to tell me he'll be there before 1230, before I leave for work. He didn't show up until I have to go for work, and I was already running late so I didn't turn in the rent until the next day and I had to suffer the $50 late fee!! This is the second time. The last time he borrowed money from me was when we were in school. And he couldn't pay me back, after I told him I need the money to buy books, so he offered to get me those books and it'll just be charged to his financial aid account. What can I do? This second time, he even had to write me a check out of his parents' checkbook for the money he owed me because he didn't have enough money to pay me back. I'm not trying to be mean, because obviously, I'm not where I'm supposed to be right now if not for the people who have helped me, and they've helped a lot more. It's just that I did try to help, but I can only help oh so much because of my resources, and this happens. Don't get me wrong, I still love the kid, I just probably stick to the money and friends mantra: Never put money between friendship unless you don't mind getting that money back.
• My friend from the Philippines who's temporarily living/working in Wisconsin is gonna come and visit me in two weekends!! I'm excited, haha! He's gonne come over Friday and leave Sunday, so I kinda made a tentative weekend plan of things to do in Chicago. I only hope we don't spend a lot of money. Hahaha!
• And on a really happy note, In three weeks, I've managed to lose and keep off 8lbs WOOHOO!!!! I'm not sure if that's a good or bad average, but I'm still glad. Being penniless has it's advantages haha!!

Round Two To Life!

Yay!!!! After a year and a half of suffering, I have a car again!! WOOHOO!!!! I'm so frickin happy!! But of course, I'm still holding my breath. Until I've had this new old car "diagnosed" and I have an OK that it will run decently and won't fail me.. I'm just gonna be here holding my breath. :D

I am really happy though. No more "I don't have a ride" phrases. No more of the "I can't go anywhere because I don't have a car" excuse. I'm not at the mercy of a another driver's time and availability. I'm FREEEE!!

Well, not really. Like what I've said before, having a car will open doors for me to improve my life, and no I'm not even being overly dramatic. I can FINALLY get a second job, I can FINALLY complete my community service, I can FINALLY go to school, I can FINALLY be in charge of my time, and my life.

And before I get ahead of myself, I would like to thank EVERYONE, and I mean super EVERYONE who has EVER EVER EVER given me a ride somewhere. You guys we picked me up on a way to a party, a night out, anything. You guys who had to wake up early to give me a ride to work and then go back home to sleep. You guys who had to drop me off at someone's house, who have to let me borrow their cars for the time being, for the day, for the week. You guys who had to drop whatever you're in the middle of just to pick me up (shout out to my roommate Kuya Quartz for leaving in the middle of "doing it" -nojoke- because he almost forgot to pick me up).You guys who had to rearrange your schedules so you can fit me in. THANK YOU SO MUCH WITH ALL MY LIFE AND ALL MY LOVE! I wish that someday, sometime, I will be able to repay you for all the trouble and inconvenience I have ever brought. YOU GUYS ROCK!! GOD BLESS!!

INXS: I will get my life together and make it better, because you guys have helped me and I will not fail you. :D

Displaced.

Maybe it's just me. **shrug**

Lately, I've been feeling really out of place in my own apartment. The only place I feel the most comfortable in is my room. It really had become my sanctuary lately. I can't explain it. I just get these heavy feeling sometimes whenever I walk inside the house. Like I'm just a renter.

It's especially hard when half the time I would be constantly be made fun of. Like why I still don't have a boyfriend, or "how can you live with yourself" comments about my sex life. And according to them, I'm useless and I'm lazy. Disclaimer: Just because I don't wanna do it, doesn't mean I'm lazy.

KC: Ja, can you please bring these (milk jug and something else) downstairs?
ME:  [jokingly pushes it to the side in front of roger]
KC: Cmon.
ME; According to you, men should take out the trash. If we're going with that logic, then Roger should take it.
KC: Yeah, but that's just between me and Roger.
DEE: Then why didn't you wash the dishes? (and everyone laughs)
ME: [I just kept quiet because, if I open my mouth they're just gonna gang up on me]
KC: [takes the stuff and starts walking away] you're so lazy sometimes.

Point Number One: Did I say I didn't want to take it downstairs? No.
Point Number Two: Like I said, even if I didn't wanna do it, that doesn't mean I'm lazy. It means I didn't wanna do it.
Point Number Three: If that argument was just between her and Roger, then she shouldn't have said that guys are supposed to blah blah blah. And if that's the case, her asking me to take the garbage out.. what's that say about the relationship between me and her? She was already done with the dishes, she was holding the garbage, what's one more step? Sure, I was sitting there. But still. Her argument was invalid. FYI, half the time she has a counter-argument for everything. (wait, that doesn't even make sense)
Point Number Four: So girls are supposed to wash the dishes while the men take out the trash? What is this, 1920s? (hah, probably not accurate.. just throwing a random year out there, but you get my drift).
Point Number Five: She was walking away when she tried to call me out (pssh, by muttering under hear breath). She couldn't even say it straight to my face.

What about that one night when Kuya Quartz was cooking something and KC was cleaning up the sink? There was no rice, and Kuya Quartz asked me to cook rice. I said, I'll do it after KC's done. I heard him laughingly tell KC that I'm useless because I still have to be told to cook rice and that I didn't go right away.

How about when most of the time, KC refers to things with "my". My couch, my carpet, my dining table, my bacon, my juice, my kitchen, my my my my my. Even though it's not. I know I've never heard Kuya Quartz refer to anything "my" just because it was supposed to be a shared household anyway. So now, I made it a point that when THEY do THEIR GROCERIES and make THEIR FOOD, I wait until I'm offered before I touch any of THEIR STUFF.

I get made fun of, I get criticized for the way I live my life, call out names,  laugh at me and how I handle things. Pssh, I know that they think my life is a joke in general. I feel it with the way they treat me. But why am I still friends with them? I don't know. Maybe because when you're family, you accept the people the way they are. You respect the fact that they are who they are. Which is something I wish they'd be towards me.

For now I guess I'll just suck it up. They're supposedly my friends, right? Maybe things will get better.

But like I said.. maybe it's just me. **shrugh*