Bored

This boredom is killing me. I guess now I know. One month is all I need for slacking (or a vacation?). Now I'm getting really restless and irritable. I want to make money. I want to go out and make conversations with people in my generation. I want to get out of this house because it's starting to drive me crazy. I can only clean and blog and read and watch TV for so long. Life is walking past me. Everyone is getting ahead and I'm stuck. And yes, I want to make money. Because the sooner I can do that, then the sooner I can get my own car and my own place. I need to get out of here already. Yes, one month.

:: Update ::

It's been two and a half weeks since I got my new old car. Everything is still the same except for the fact that I don't have to ask people for rides anymore. Let's see...

• My adopted little sister Maria celebrated her 21st birthday party and I told her I'd take her out. We went to Drink Nightclub in Schaumburg. Basically, it was the weirdest night ever. I couldn't find her and when I did, she was standing in one corner and crying on her boyfriend's shoulder, but she wouldn't tell me what's wrong. When we finally managed to make it to the dance floor, she and her boyfriend looked like their teeth were getting pulled. They looked in pain while in that dance floor. I get it, it's different from where they usually go dancing to, but I offered countless times that if they wanted to leave and go someplace else, we can leave anytime. I sorta felt bad, even though I didn't know what all that crying was about. But I rationalized that since she chose not to tell me what's wrong, I shouldn't have to babysit her feelings at all right? I wished the night couldn't gone differently, I wished Maria had a blast hanging out with me on her 21st.... but what can I do?
• I worked full time hours for a couple of weeks and it may sound weird but it was a frickin' blast!! I mean, it's work, right? But it surely beats hanging around the apartment, with nothing to do, and sometimes feeling awkward around your roommates.
• Speaking of roommates, my friend N, has been toying with the idea of moving out and getting an apartment, most probably sharing it with me. When he told me that, I got excited, because I get days when I really could not stand being in the apartment anymore. For practically the same amount that I pay now, I'd only be living with one person. The first two times I've lived on my own, I've never had roommates, I still prefer not having roommates. Too close for comfort, and familiarity breeds contempt. But I guess one roommate is waaaaay better than three adults, two kids. Haha, forrealz. Sometimes, when everyone's home,I feel left out, because I know I'm different from them. I don't know I can't explain it.
• For the past month, I've been going out every weekend with my partner-in-crime, N. It's soooo frickin' awesome!! And we go to places that we don't have to spend a lot of money. Haha. I mean, we're dancers more than we are drinkers so there's that. Plus the fact that it's really expensive to be a drinker when you go party in the city. I told him, "I've gone out with you more this last six months than I've had a date in two years (zero), that we're like Will and Grace.... a sexless marriage." Haha, well, N's gay so yeah.
• Lesson learned: I have a friend who contacted me and asked if he can borrow money from me because he's short. Without even questioning where it's going to, I lent him money and just told him he needs to pay me back a certain day so I can make my car payment. Now, I don't have a lot of money to spare. In fact, I have nothing. But in the last couple of years, I've been helped by the most amazing friends one can ever find, why not pay it forward right? Well, when the time he was supposed to pay me back, he asked for an extension so I had to shuffle money around so I can make my car payment. I told him I REAAAAALLLLY need that money by Monday because we gotta pay rent and I'll be short exactly that amount that he borrowed from me. He said he'll bring it at 11. He called half an hour before 11 to tell me he'll be there before 1230, before I leave for work. He didn't show up until I have to go for work, and I was already running late so I didn't turn in the rent until the next day and I had to suffer the $50 late fee!! This is the second time. The last time he borrowed money from me was when we were in school. And he couldn't pay me back, after I told him I need the money to buy books, so he offered to get me those books and it'll just be charged to his financial aid account. What can I do? This second time, he even had to write me a check out of his parents' checkbook for the money he owed me because he didn't have enough money to pay me back. I'm not trying to be mean, because obviously, I'm not where I'm supposed to be right now if not for the people who have helped me, and they've helped a lot more. It's just that I did try to help, but I can only help oh so much because of my resources, and this happens. Don't get me wrong, I still love the kid, I just probably stick to the money and friends mantra: Never put money between friendship unless you don't mind getting that money back.
• My friend from the Philippines who's temporarily living/working in Wisconsin is gonna come and visit me in two weekends!! I'm excited, haha! He's gonne come over Friday and leave Sunday, so I kinda made a tentative weekend plan of things to do in Chicago. I only hope we don't spend a lot of money. Hahaha!
• And on a really happy note, In three weeks, I've managed to lose and keep off 8lbs WOOHOO!!!! I'm not sure if that's a good or bad average, but I'm still glad. Being penniless has it's advantages haha!!

Displaced.

Maybe it's just me. **shrug**

Lately, I've been feeling really out of place in my own apartment. The only place I feel the most comfortable in is my room. It really had become my sanctuary lately. I can't explain it. I just get these heavy feeling sometimes whenever I walk inside the house. Like I'm just a renter.

It's especially hard when half the time I would be constantly be made fun of. Like why I still don't have a boyfriend, or "how can you live with yourself" comments about my sex life. And according to them, I'm useless and I'm lazy. Disclaimer: Just because I don't wanna do it, doesn't mean I'm lazy.

KC: Ja, can you please bring these (milk jug and something else) downstairs?
ME:  [jokingly pushes it to the side in front of roger]
KC: Cmon.
ME; According to you, men should take out the trash. If we're going with that logic, then Roger should take it.
KC: Yeah, but that's just between me and Roger.
DEE: Then why didn't you wash the dishes? (and everyone laughs)
ME: [I just kept quiet because, if I open my mouth they're just gonna gang up on me]
KC: [takes the stuff and starts walking away] you're so lazy sometimes.

Point Number One: Did I say I didn't want to take it downstairs? No.
Point Number Two: Like I said, even if I didn't wanna do it, that doesn't mean I'm lazy. It means I didn't wanna do it.
Point Number Three: If that argument was just between her and Roger, then she shouldn't have said that guys are supposed to blah blah blah. And if that's the case, her asking me to take the garbage out.. what's that say about the relationship between me and her? She was already done with the dishes, she was holding the garbage, what's one more step? Sure, I was sitting there. But still. Her argument was invalid. FYI, half the time she has a counter-argument for everything. (wait, that doesn't even make sense)
Point Number Four: So girls are supposed to wash the dishes while the men take out the trash? What is this, 1920s? (hah, probably not accurate.. just throwing a random year out there, but you get my drift).
Point Number Five: She was walking away when she tried to call me out (pssh, by muttering under hear breath). She couldn't even say it straight to my face.

What about that one night when Kuya Quartz was cooking something and KC was cleaning up the sink? There was no rice, and Kuya Quartz asked me to cook rice. I said, I'll do it after KC's done. I heard him laughingly tell KC that I'm useless because I still have to be told to cook rice and that I didn't go right away.

How about when most of the time, KC refers to things with "my". My couch, my carpet, my dining table, my bacon, my juice, my kitchen, my my my my my. Even though it's not. I know I've never heard Kuya Quartz refer to anything "my" just because it was supposed to be a shared household anyway. So now, I made it a point that when THEY do THEIR GROCERIES and make THEIR FOOD, I wait until I'm offered before I touch any of THEIR STUFF.

I get made fun of, I get criticized for the way I live my life, call out names,  laugh at me and how I handle things. Pssh, I know that they think my life is a joke in general. I feel it with the way they treat me. But why am I still friends with them? I don't know. Maybe because when you're family, you accept the people the way they are. You respect the fact that they are who they are. Which is something I wish they'd be towards me.

For now I guess I'll just suck it up. They're supposedly my friends, right? Maybe things will get better.

But like I said.. maybe it's just me. **shrugh*