6/365 what do you wish you spent more time doing five years ago?

i know we're not suppose to regret the things we've done, but i have to admit there are quite a few things i regret doing. five years ago, i wish that i focused more on school, improving my skills, and being a better me, instead of partying, hanging out with friends, and spending money.

Reinvent

Every now and then, I'm faced with a blogging dilemma. To reformat my blog or not. I guess it has a little bit something to do with my attention span. I always want to blog about something specific, to gain more audience, but I somehow end up personalizing most of my blogs. And I feel stronger about more personal entries more than anything. But then again, sometimes I feel that being too personal on my blogs might be too much. Too much information, too much of an overshare, and it might come back and haunt me in the future. So I don't know, I really don't. I gotta think about it some more.

Tourist of Traveller?

I haven't decided which one I'm going to be, but all I know is that I'm preparing to set up and see the world. My dreams of doing a roadtrip, backpack somewhere, etc, just go out there is getting bigger and bigger. I mean, I imagine, think about, plan about my dream and my heart just swells with happiness. I've started a Trip Jar and hopefully, I save a lot of money because I want to make this come true. I've set out a timetable for myself. Some people have careers, high paying jobs, important positions. This may sound like I'm a person with no ambition, but I've decided that I'm going to get a job to get a job, and nothing else. I will work hard and save and save - and save some more - so that I can travel. I've started following blogs, reading book, and I slowly want this to work for myself. If having a boyfriend or keeping a relationship or meeting someone, or being hired, or whatever is out of my control, this one is all up to me. I will do this. I'm going to try to defy gravity this time.

Monday!!

It's the last week of September. Then it's October, November, then December. Before you know it, I'm 27. Time is flying by so fast, taking a deep breath isn't even helping. Why am I growing up so fast! While adulthood has its perks, it kinda sucks a great deal.

I have to train new girls at work. After that, I can finally get my full-time status. With benefits. I can finally have my teeth fixed.. and yes, braces included.

I may start that second job soon. That means goodbye to my so-called social life. But these are things I have to do now, so that I can have a better life later.

I have something going on all weekends of October. A double sweet sixteen, a random photoshoot with friends, a bachelorette party, a birthday, a wedding. That doesn't include the spur of the moment phone calls I will mostt likely get to go out or hang out. On top of that, training and babysitting the new girls at work, full time hours in one job, and potential part time hours in a second job. On top of that my, my responsibilities. Bills, utilities, groceries, rent, car maintenance, laundry, working out, etc., etc., etc. I already got stressed just thinking about all that stuff.

I'm moving storages so my room is a mess! I look like I should be in an episode of Hoarders. I literally only have one side of my bed. I have one straight line from the door to my bed. That reminds me, I have to rent a cargo truck.

For the next year, I wanna get a brand spankin' new car. I'm going to Vegas for a friend's birthday. I'm going to Cali for my family birthday party. I'm going to the Philippines for my ten-year highschool reunion. Speaking of which, I really really hope someone is planning it, because I miss my highschool friends.. and I miss the highschool me. The highschool me wanted to be a supermodel.

My ongoing joke with my friends is that my wedding date is 12.12.12, since it's my favorite number. Haha. Let's all find me a boy first, right?

By the way, a little confession: I am surrounded by family and friends getting engaged, getting married, having kids, and I can't help but be jealous a bit. In the past years, getting married and starting a family was something I thought about, but nothing concrete. Like a fairytale. But since my friend got married last year, and since it was the first wedding I've ever attended and I was even the bridesmaid, it's been a constant thought for me. I'm not talking about "Ooh, when I get married I want this, blah blah blah." Let's just say, I know where I wanna get married, where the reception is going to be, colors, theme, music, check, check, check. And to kid around with my friends, I tell them that all the guy has to do is show up and sign all the checks and papers.. and not to worry because I've already named our future kids.

Maybe I want it too much. Maybe I want someone to love and love me in return so bad that I have a nagging feeling at the back of my mind that it's never gonna happen. I don't wanna get married when I'm 35. Well, sure, they said that 30 is the new 20 and that's when we can fully live our lives as adults. When I find that guy for me, I don't want to be a stepmom to teenagers (baby mama drama is so tacky), nor do I want to be someone's second (maybe even third!) wife. I want to get married only once.

But at the rate that I'm going and sounding right now. No man's gonna want to date me since I have marriage on the mind. Isn't that a big no-no to eligible bachelors nowadays?

Life is a vicious cycle and I don't know where to get off.

Trapped

This entry might get a bit confusing so just roll with me, okay?

Lately, I've been feeling really trapped, hindered. Like I know I can do more, but things are just stopping me. Simple things. Like the fact that today is my day off and I have tons of things to do and yet I'm limited by my car. Since I've been driving around a barely-manageable car, I can literally go so far. And it sucks because my next day off would be four days from now, and I wouldn't even call it a day off because I've already set that date to move storages. So today would've been the perfect time to do my other errands.

On a slightly bigger picture, I hate the fact that I want to hang out with all these people that I miss and haven't hung out with in forever but time, money, and transportation forbids me to do so. When I become ballin', I will make it a point to allot more time to my friends. I miss quality time with quality people.. not to mention I've really been craving for some decent conversations.

And on the biggest picture of all, life. My mom would here and there send me picture messages of my sisters in California. The more she does that, the more I wish I was there with them. I mean, granted I don't want to live in the same roof because hello, I'm 26, I still want that feeling of home. Where I can see my sisters and take them shopping, or to the museums, or any random fun trip. They are just the cutest bunch ever and I miss them so much! And of course that feeling of a home-cooked meal when I come over for Sunday Family Dinner. I miss the feeling of "coming home, it's been a really long time since I've had that feeling.

For 2012, I want to get a zero-mile brand new car. I want to visit England. I want to go back home for my highschool reunion. And I want to go to California.

I'm itching so bad to get out of here. Out of this apartment, out of everything that I know here. I love it here. But that much-needed escape I should have taken two years ago is slowly creeping up on me. I need to get out of here.

With Open Arms

I think I'm ready to embrace life. If you care to hear me out, then read on. Otherwise, don't mind me, if you know me well enough, I get these "High On Life" moods here and there so I try to take advantage of them and write down my positivity so I can read them again when I'm down.

Anyway, moving on.

I'm ready to move on to bigger and better things. Whether it's to replace old feelings, to forget about the past. I'm just so darn tootin' tired of this life that I wanna move on. I'm constantly struggling and fighting to be happy and I'm just ready to Just Be Happy.

I have amazing friends that will always be there for me. I've gained new friends that I'm just so happy about. I've spend my summer really well this year. All I need is someone to share my happiness and love with, but I know God has someone for me, I just have to wait REAAAALLLLLYYYY patiently for that person. I know it's gonna be worth it. I just have to keep doing what I'm good at, eliminate my shortcomings and weaknesses, and just go on. Keep fighting. I'm 26 years old. I don't want to be the last to get married, to be the oldest mom in a Parents-Teachers meeting. I wanna be a young urban professional.

And I'ma do just that.

Just Dance

So this is really frustrating. Lately, I've bombarded my life with anything dance. I've been obsessing with choreography videos by Kyle Hanagami, my friend updating her Twitter with her dance adventures, and movies about dance.
    When I was 7, my grandma insisted on signing me up for ballet classes but I wouldn't go for it because I wanted karate lessons. Ballet = Girls. Karate = Boys. So I ended up signed up for neither. Years later, here I am looking at dance classes at local dance academies or park districts around my area. I don't want competitive dancing. I just want to learn how to dance. I want to learn how tap, belly dancing (even though I'm sure I can't force my body to move like that), jazz, ballroom, and of course hiphop. Heck, I'll even give ballet a shot.. or Zumba. I just want to move my feet and dance.
    I'm a clubhead and sometimes I get frustrated because I really wish I can get clubbing out of my system. But I really love going out and dancing the night away. Granted, I would never bootydance with someone that's not my boyfriend, but still. I can't sing to save my soul, I can't model (which I really wanted to back in highschool), I can't act, I can't even play an instrument. But I know that I can follow rhythm. I'm not flexible, I can't do the splits or cartwheels but I swear with every dance bone in my body, I can dance.
    This obsession with wanting to learn how to dance increased after I had a Step Up movie marathon with my roommates a few weeks ago. So much so that "Good Dancer" has now been added to my ever-growing list of Guy Standards.
    Is that bad?

The truest expression of a people is in its dance and in its music.  Bodies never lie.  ~Agnes de Mille

     I need to do something significant. I'm going to dance. Hmmmm, where should I go?

Chicago Notes

Since I didn't have a pen and paper handy, I was pretty much clickety-clacking away on the Notes section of my iPod Touch. I totally forgot about my notes until minutes earlier when I was cleaning up the random notes I've saved up.

• While waiting for the Chicago-bound train to arrive, everyone inside the station were nose-deep in their smartphones. No human interaction of any kind. Not a timid smile, a nod of acknowledgement, a good morning, nada.

• Everyone was also sitting ridiculously spaced out enough that no person can sit in between. A bench that would have sat 8 people has four people (and their bags) sitting comfortably. Tsk tsk.
• No man offered a woman a seat. Even when that woman was standing next to a man who was sitting with his legs crossed.
• As the train was rolling by the scenery, I saw a plane land. The sight of it made me feel trapped. I need to be somewhere other that where I am and what I am right now. I need to finish this year the right way so that I can breathe again. So that I can feel like (at the very least) have the option of soaring again.
• We passed by a cemetery and I saw a car driving slowly inside. I'm sure he's going to visit a loved one. It made me feel really sad for him. I hope he's happy now.
• I've never had to retrieve legal documents before. I walked inside the Daley Center (which used to be the Chicago Civic Center) and everything was fast-paced and everyone was walking with a purpose. It gave me such a headrush! I wanna be part of this kind of setting! It would probably get too intense for me but I guess I work best under pressure.
• While in line, I saw a guy donning a pair of Dr. Dre Beats Headphone. What a bad-ass. I'm jealous. Those babies cost AT LEAST $300.
• To celebrate my successful Chicago Adventure, I stopped by a bookstore that had a sale going on. I got two books for a dollar each, so.. SCORE!!

•  They say never buy groceries when you're hungry, and all I can say is "True Dat!"  What was supposedly a quick lunch from the McDonald's dollar menu turned out to be a $12 tasteless lunch from the Corner Bakery. I'm sure it's not that bad, but this particular sandwich I got was horrible. -blech-
• I wish I had a real camera with me (not a digital camera, but a digital SLR camera), because there were a lot of things that warranted a decent photograph and all I had was my handy dandy iPod.

    Now that I am semi comfortable with going downtown by myself, I can't wait for summer to arrive! I can go to the museums anytime I want to, Chinatown, even just chill at the lake or Millenium Park. Chicago and I are going to have a very good relationship this summer year.

Kick Off.

In less than eleven hours, I have to be at work.. which means I should be sleeping already. But my mind is bombarded with random thoughts and ideas that need to be tackled before the month ends. So to make life a little bit easier for me, this are the three things that I need to tackle when I wake up first thing in the morning:

• Look around for cars that are under $700. (Impossible? Let's hope not!)
• Apply for jobs.
• Balance two monthly floor plans for work.

    After all these have been done, preferably by 11:30 am, life will be beautiful and I can start my weekday on the right track.