Superficial Wishes

C'mon. Everybody has them. But not everyone would be ballsy enough to admit so. Here's my list:

• I wish I was skinny. (..and by that I mean 5'5" and 120lbs)
• I wish I was rich. (not the "the world is my playground" kind of thing, not even the "socialite" rich. just.. well, rich.)
• I wish I was pretty. (i don't want boys at my feet 24/7. i just wanna be pretty where guys will actually want to ask me out, do double takes, heck yea even check me out.)
• I wish I have a talent. (talents that will amaze people, like dancing, or singing, or playing an instrument, or painting.)
• I wish I was happy. (..and not where I wish everyday that I wish I'd disappear.)
• I wish I had a bestfriend. (then maybe, life will be easier.)

Just A Quickie

It's half past three and I have a lot of things to blog about, but a.) I'm sleepy, b.) I need to gather my thoughts, and c.) my pinkie hurts like hell and proves to be very useless at typing right now.

I shall continue on in the morning. But I leave you with one thought.. tF is driving me insane, I don't know what to do about it.

Update: Day Seven.

This just in.

• I asked him to meet me in VPAC today at 11a and he never showed up. I'm hurt, I'm deeply hurt. I there is such a thing as "more broken" then I'm definitely that. I've been trying to reach him but efforts are futile. Did I mention I miss him?
• I went to my Fedex second interview and it was fine. It wasn't outstanding, just fine. Unlike my first interview, which I thought I did well, this one was just fine. But I hope and pray that I get it because it's full-time. Yay!
• It has been raining pretty much since 10am. I figured the weather was joining me in my sadness. Honestly, it felt like I have no more tears to cry. Maybe that's why it rained. But I look outside and it's not raining anymore. Hope, maybe?
• I decided to continue reading Twilight before I went back to Maria's house. Where? Awesomest place ever. I seriously am starting to fall in love with Lords Park here in Elgin. I parked my car and facing the lake and just sat there while I read Twilight. Hey, that made my day bearable, at least.
• Now I'm back here in Maria's house. Patiently waiting.

I need a distraction from that phone. I need to stop calling. I'm broken.

Jaja

Anticipation.

These are just some stuff I need to unload my brain with. A.K.A., brainfarts.

• Sometimes, you never, ever what to sleep because you are right next to the person that makes you feel alive. The thought of closing your eyes make you not want to fall asleep at all because staring at his eyes is enough.
• Sometimes, you never, ever want to wake up because your dreams are filled with wonderful memories that you two have shared. And that waking up would mean going back to the reality that it's a new day filled with new trials to overcome and new memories to make, that if you stop and think about it, might not be as good as those in your dreams.
• Sometimes, you never, ever want to wake up because him sleeping next to you with his arms around you is the most wonderful feeling in the world. It's the one place you know you will always be the safest. And the one place that you are the happiest: Right beside him.
• Sometimes, you never, ever want to sleep because the day has been so perfect and so right that you don't want your happiness to stop. You want to continue sharing the world as yo see is right: Next to him, holding hands, and looking outward into the world.
• Sometimes, you never, ever want to look away because you know that world is a wonderful place to live in because you look at him and you see the world. that the thought of looking somewhere else is a shame because you have the epitome of life in front of you, and you just want to share it with the world.
• Sometimes, you never, ever want to stop smiling because you are scared of the other side. That the smile you emulate is his love, and that if you stop smiling you might feel all the hurt, and pain, and cruelty that the world has to offer.
• Sometimes, you never, ever want to stop crying because when no words appear, there are tears. And in he understands your tears, regardless of the words exchanged, he will wipe those tears away to mean he understands.
• Sometimes, you never, ever want to walk, to run, to jump, to do anything at all because moving makes you realize the earth moves, and with the moving of the earth means the continuance of life, and where you are is where you want to be for the rest of your life, and his life.
• Sometimes, you never, ever want to left go because the fear of space between you is unbearable. That the mere thought of another human being coming between you and the love that is him is too painful to bear, too confusing to understand, and to surreal to realize. That the phrase "I must have done something right.." was made just for you and him.
• Sometimes, you never, ever want to blink because the fear that this may all just be a dream is unthinkable. That how you see the world now, next to him may be different from what it really is. That how you see the world now while you're standing next to him is as close to perfection as you can achieve. And that there's no such thing as reality or imagination. Only the reality that you share together.

Jaja

Extreme.

Oh, money. The things that go in people's heads when money's involved. Or when it's not.

I don't want to be a hypocrite, but sometimes money does make life easier, if not happier, for the most part.. or for a short part. I have these weird tendencies that go on and on in my head when money's involved.

• I stay away from any form or sort of shopping (i.e., online, window, etc.) when I have no money at all. Or even if I did, I couldn't afford to leave a store without buying anything.
• And yet, when there is money that I can spend, my mind is a jumble of all material items of sorts (clothes, gadgets, food, trips, supplies, etc.)
• When I receive my bills, I hold off opening it for as long as I can, maybe in the hopes that all those numbers will disappear. Sad thought: That sounded like what Rebecca Brandon nee Bloomwood would say (which is short of saying that yes, I have some form of shopping addiction.)

But anyway, that is not entirely the point of my story. My point is that, after learning a couple of hours ago that I have a job, I have just made a mental action of pulling out my shopping wish list and the stuff I would want (not need, as I am not that delirious about spending, aka blowing off, my income..) to purchase. May it be long- or short-term goals.

Here's my shopping cart wishlist:

• Converse Chuck Taylors in: black, red, white, green, light blue.
• Laptop fan.
• iTrip.
• Scrubs Season 2.
• Grey's Anatomy Season 3.
• Puma trainers in: black.
• Adidas sneakers in: white.
• Sims 3.

to be cont.

Jaja