No Holds Barred. Uncensored.

Part I

It's been 189 days since I stopped being his and he stopped being mine. Actually, he's still in my heart. He will always have the biggest part of me. Just thinking and feeling all these is so overwhelming that I think I'm going to cry. It's been half a year since my heart broke, and though my heart is still in pieces, it surprises me that I can still love him like this as if it was the first time I realized I loved him.. with all the pieces of my heart. Each day feels like a month, a month a year.. and I feel like I've been trudging on deep waters in slow motion for forever. It's still hard for me to breathe. It's still hard for me to smile. It's still hard for me to listen to songs. And the funny thing is, I started classifying songs as pre-Janis and post-Janis. And either way I look at it, it's hard to listen to them.

He was the best thing that happened to me and I know that I, him. The life we shared together was something I never imagined I can ever deserve. But I know that God made him a part of my life for a reason. Like what I have always said, "I must have done something right.."

Cliche as it may sound, I love him so much it hurts. Whenever he comes around, I am always so thankful and happy and appreciative. I take in every part of him. Because God only knows when the next time I will see his  beautiful smile again.

I would look at him and he is still the Danny that I know and love. He is still the man that loved me for who I am and loved my family even more, expecially, when I didn't know how. The simple things like, handing him a plate, or serving him dinner, or throwing a blanket over him when he falls asleep on the couch or the floor. To this he would say, "You still take care of me." And punctuate it with that musing smile. Little things like that still make my heart swell with pride. For I never really asked a lot from him. Just his loving, caring, sweet nature that is Danny.

A hug that I have not felt in such a long time, I thought that I'd have forgotten what that felt like. But I remembered, he made me remember. As he offered me a hug from out of nowhere, all these emotions came flooding back and I remember. I remember everything. And like a Lego piece, I still fit in that niche as if I still belonged there.

In God's time, and in God's will.

I love you.