Having The Case of The "I Miss You's"

Just when you think that everything can be okay, all it takes is one word, one song, one sight, one moment, one place, one memory. Let's just say May 01, 2010 gave me a sensory overload that I'm surprised I'm still standing.

All day long I was with Ku Cortz and KC. And all day long we were just joking around, talking and whatnot about relationships. And I kept commenting stuff like, "Let's go find me a new boyfriend. I'm bored." Or "Maybe I should just get in a relationship for money. But that would require sex in return. Can I just cook and massage in return?" And something else in between. Ugh.


And I've been doing so good too. Trying to avoid songs, places, situations, actions that will bring me back to the time when I was the most alive. Because even though it feels empty on the inside. I'm numb. And that's better than just remembering the happiness that I had, and lost. Heck, I haven't even visited the "dangerzone" in twelve days. *sigh* ignorance is indeed bliss.

Oh but what I would give to bring back the days of happiness. Because having the case of the I Miss Yous is waking me up. I've been numb for a while now. While I laugh along, and smile along, and joke along. I'm numb. And I'm waking up. And I just want to sometimes just be numb again. But who lives like that anyway? All numb and stuff. I just want to be happy with him again.

Ang God know I tried to put myself out there. I even edited my effin blogs here and there just so whoever "potential" decides to check it out would NOT think I still love him. A lot A LOT. And potentials don't really work. Dammit.

I hate that I'm still stuck in this place.

Red Ink. *d.o.e.*

FYI: I think it was so ironically funny that we both liked the same song at a friend's profile. I'm still in there. =)