Drowning

Why do I feel like I'm drowning? This is getting all too much for me. How come I feel like I'm gaining frenemies?  Everywhere I look, she's there now. I want to cry so bad. But I'm not allowed to. But wait, why am I not allowed to express my emotions? Why am I not allowed to pour my heart out? Why am I not allowed to go after those that mean to me the most? Why are people telling me how to feel? How to act?

I want my nightmares to go away. I want to be able to smile for real again. I want to be able to see a smiling face that means the world to me, the one that will make the rain go away. For good. I want to wake up and see a familiar face. All I see is her. In my friends' faces, in the places that mean a lot to me, in every corner, every song, every spoken word, everything. All I see is her. I want my life back. I want my happiness back. I want my love back. I want to broken pieces back together. I need it. I'm hanging on for dear life. And who's hand am I holding on to? I don't even know anymore.