so....uh.... where did my blog go?

11/365 do you think crying is a sign of weakness or strength?

i don't think crying is a sign of weakness. people say crying means that you are strong enough to let whatever that hurts or bothers you go, that maybe crying is a strength because you are strong enough to admit that you can be weak sometimes. for me, crying means that there are things that bother me but it hurts so much that there are no other words to express how it means to me. unless of course you're a crybaby.

10/365 what can you do today that you were not capable of a year ago?

a year ago, i would not have had this much patience when it comes to children. other people's children, other children that i know, my own siblings. i would not have tolerated all the whining and rowdiness, mess, and everything in between

9/365

i'm really conservative and shy when it comes to my attitude towards romantic relationships. i was raised in a conservative roman catholic family. i believe that men should be the ones to pursue women. not only should they be pursue, i think that women should be courted and wooed. don't get me wrong, i may have some feministic tendencies at the same time, i believe in equality and fairness between the two sexes. but romantically speaking, i'm all for being wooed, you know?

8/365

i love my sisters, and i love my family. and it took me a while to really appreciate them. so now that i'm back to being close to them, i am trying to be a good daughter and i'm trying to be a good person, someone that my sisters can be proud of and that they'll look up to.

7/365 do you ask enough questions or do you settle for what you know?

i've been told i ask a lot of questions. haha. but when i can sense that the other party don't want to divulge anymore, or i know that they're bullshitting me, or they're straight up lying, i stop. don't need to waste my time with that.

6/365 what do you wish you spent more time doing five years ago?

i know we're not suppose to regret the things we've done, but i have to admit there are quite a few things i regret doing. five years ago, i wish that i focused more on school, improving my skills, and being a better me, instead of partying, hanging out with friends, and spending money.

5/365 what life lesson did you learn the hard way?

there's not just one lesson that i learned the hard way. but something pretty recent happened to me that up until now, what i did still gives me a guilt trip.. and it still shames me everytime i think about it. i i became really close friends with this person, but i became selfish and all i did was take and take in the relationship. after all the harsh words that's been said, i was "forgiven". but i can still hear the disappointment in his voice and in the tone of his letter, that i am just so ashamed of how i acted. all i wanted was a best friend, and because all i can think about is myself, i now have none.

4/365 what gets you excited about life?

the idea of travelling. i have not done a lot of travelling in my life, and i really would wanna start soon. but whenever i hear stories, see pictures, watch movies of travelling and roadtrips and adventures, i get really excited. i get to experience somebody else's life while hoping someday i do the same.

3/365 what's the most sensible thing you've ever heard someone say?

i've received a lot of solicited and unsolicited advice over the years. but the one that would come back to haunt me constantly, are probably the 4 simplest words i'll ever hear: "it's okay. who cares."  it's given me a lot of confidence, whenever i'm reminded of these words. i've slowly stopped being self-conscious of my actions and my thoughts about myself. 

2/365 who do you sometimes compare yourself to?

let's face it, everyone has their insecurities, some show it more than others. sometimes, i compare myself to a lot of people. i compare myself to my friends and wish i am where they are now. here and there, i compare myself to my ex boyfriend, because who doesn't want to come out on the winning end of a break-up, right? i compare myself to people my age to gauge how good or bad the things i've done with and in my life. i compare myself to my sister, because we went through the same things in our childhood and yet our lives have become so different and apart. and lastly, i compare my present self to my past self, because who i am now, is not who my past self have wanted me to be. i guess this means i am my own worst enemy.

1/365 when was the last time you tried something new?

sometime in march, before i made my big move from illinois to california, i got my first tattoo! it's a script of the words "defy gravity" on my right wrist. i've always wanted to get a tattoo, but i knew i had to think long and hard about it, like what it would mean to me, what's the significance of when and why i'm getting one. i've had such a good life in illinois that i knew that at the back of my mind, it's not the right thing to move. but here i am now, just crossing my fingers and trying to "defy gravity".